tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67931719373135011592024-02-07T08:11:31.977+00:00The Impression that I Get'If my doctor told me I only had six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a litte faster.' (Isaac Asimov)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-59078937391994363812013-05-24T22:51:00.002+01:002013-05-24T22:53:37.418+01:00E is for Editing<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm an avid reader. I read as much as possible. Sometimes to the extent that I've had less of a life because of it at times (a testament to the writer, who has written a gripping book!). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are countless times when I've turned the pages breathlessly, however, only for the ending to cheat me (and no doubt, thousands of others). Sometimes <i>deus ex machina</i> (a highly improbably event that conveniently wraps everything up) has been the culprit. Others the cavalry coming over the hill have been responsible. Then there are the factual books in which the conclusions haven't fitted the facts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's all very frustrating. Those are hours of your life you'll never get back. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But why does it bother us so much? What's behind it? Poor editing, that's what. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How to edit</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To be a good writer you have to be a good editor. Those aren't just my words: they're the words of the world's most famous copywriter, David Ogilvy, a man who did some serious selling back in the day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, being a good editor is easier said than done. Where do you start? </span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be objective</span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Editing is about honesty. Be objective. Is what you've written really any good, or are you just trying to make the word count? If it seems like a load of rubbish, it may well seem like it to others too, so take it out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you can't decide, ask yourself: 'Would I be embarrassed to show this to a client or publisher?' If the answer's yes, you know what you need to do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One other trick is to observe whether you're feeling smug and showing your work to everyone in the office, trying to give others a laugh. The part you love the most is normally the part that has to go. </span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ask if it makes sense</span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Take a look at your draft. Do the pieces fit together? Do the events happen in a logical order, or does something within the text feel out of place? Is everything you've written plausible? If there's something in there that's tenuous or doesn't fit, take it out. It's weakening the text. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is especially so with the conclusion. Check you're not drifting into <i>deus ex machina</i> territory. Remember the Stephen King novel <i>Misery </i>and how psychotic bibliophile Annie Wilkes went beserk about the ending of a novel? Endings should be fair to the reader.<br /><br /><u>Delete the first paragraph</u></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just like you don't start exercising without warming up first, you don't in writing. The first paragraph get our thoughts flowing and our fingers bashing away at the keyboard. Read it at the end of the piece and you'll find it rambles on aimlessly, struggling to find its path. You may even find that it has nothing to do with the rest of what you've written. Chop it out. You'll see how your writing suddenly becomes tighter. </span><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cut out the fluff</span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Are you getting to the point, or are you saying more than what needs to be said? Is what you've written adding value to the text, or is it simply surplus? If it does nothing for the text, get rid of it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cutting out fluff is important, especially in the day and age of emails, in which everyone feels more hurried than they used to. They don't feel as if they have the time to wade through a forest of words. If you're writing a novel, your words should be valuable. They should help carry events forward. Even if they're just reading for pleasure, readers won't hang around forever to find out what happens (at least I don't). They've taken the time to start reading your novel. Reward them with some plot and character development, not pages of filler. <br /><br />For me, the king of plot development is crime fiction writer James Ellroy. It's only once you get to the end of his novels, twist after twist after twist, that you realise he was already starting the conclusion halfway through the novel. Fantastic!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These are just a few tips on the mighty art of editing. Like any other, it's a skill and isn't something you just develop overnight. It takes time and plenty of writing. If you've got any editing tips you'd like to share with me, I'd love to hear them. Meanwhile, if not, then happy scribbling, and until we meet again in F is for... </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-41508842834012422682013-05-09T21:54:00.002+01:002013-05-26T22:31:18.785+01:00Write Life<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write a diary.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write a covering letter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write to your family.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write a love letter; how you can taste flowers when you kiss them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write a forgive me letter; how you're so messed up you don't who you are without them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write a break-up letter; how it's not them, it's you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about change. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about today's generation; how it's lost but can be found. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about your dreams; how one day you'll make it and then write about how you did it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write to your friends; thank them for being there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about the good times; how you'd give anything to return. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about the bad times; bury the memories.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about the future.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write to your workmates; they helped you to the top.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about retirement.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about your kids; the story of their first word.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about strangers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about singledom; the pleasures and sorrows of freedom. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about travel, of seeing the wonders of the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about music.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about books.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write about writing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write life.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-41179782686716839092013-05-06T22:54:00.002+01:002013-05-08T22:51:53.337+01:00D is for Daily<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You may recall when I first started this series just a few weeks ago, I gave a brief account of the different types of writing I'd done. From writing blog posts and copywriting professionally to bearing my soul in love letters... it was all in there. It was all writing in one form or another.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More than that, though, they were examples of how the everyday world can present us with opportunities to write. Further ones include office emails, text messages, personal emails, reports, comments on Facebook, tweets on Twitter, blog posts, selling stuff on eBay, reviewing purchases on Amazon and applying for jobs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Practice makes perfect, so even if it's something trivial like an email you should try to write every day if you can. It all helps. It doesn't always have to be something that you'll publish, not by a long shot. Just write. The more you write, the better you'll get; the better you get, the easier you can connect with the reader, make them feel something special. Ah the power of words... *sigh*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't think of writing as a chore (especially not the love letters!). Do it out of love. Brighten up your prose, not bash out boilerplate. Polish your punctuation instead of making your reader join the dots - or rather, the commas and full stops. Get a grip on your grammar and spoil the pedants' fun! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I were a nutritionist, I'd tell you to eat five pieces of fruit and veg a day (not including Wine Gums and mince pies) to stay healthy. Fortunately for you, I'm a blogger, so I'm suggesting that you write something at least once per day instead. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This will keep your writing in good health. Not only that, it will keep your mind so too, which, in the binge drinking age, is definitely something to write home about!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-18626283236587513902013-04-23T21:21:00.000+01:002013-04-23T21:22:27.751+01:00C is for Concise<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">First a quick story...</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I cast my mind back to the days of my English Language A-level classes (seems so long ago), there's one exercise which has always stood out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In it we read a long, rambling letter about NHS funding. We then had to summarise each paragraph in as few words as possible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was one particular paragraph, packed full of long words and linguistic clutter, and it lasted some five or six lines. I can still remember the teacher, with a deadpan expression, chopping it down to just two words: 'Needs money'. Masterful! <br /><br /><b>The moral of the story: be concise</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fluff is something that you either pick out of your belly button or hoover up off of the carpet. There's no room for it in writing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be concise. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't use three words where one will do, especially if you're writing advertising copy. For instance, why say 'make a decision' when you can simply write 'decide'? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Strip away adjectives if they don't add anything to the text. Don't write 'hit somebody hard'. The beauty of the English language is we have a whole load of colourful expressions for acts of violence. So why 'hit someone hard' when, instead, you can slug 'em, crack 'em one, thump 'em or lamp 'em! Bit colloquial, I know, but you get the picture. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The more concise you are, the easier you'll get your message across. Bury it in a mound of adjectives and set verb + noun phrases, and mix it up with some lousy punctuation, and your message will be lost. Not only that, so will your reader. Ouch! </span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-30326803182028302232013-04-19T22:13:00.004+01:002013-04-19T22:19:31.096+01:00B is for Blogging<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Are bloggers journalists?</b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's the great debate. Bloggers, journalists and a host of other professionals will still be arguing this one on their death bed. My personal opinion - who cares?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For me, the truly magical thing about blogging is that you have your own little corner of the web. It's a place where you can write for fun and discuss your own interests (with people who share the same ones), get something of your mind, even give yourself a bit of DIY work experience, or make a little money for yourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whether for business or pleasure, you should write a blog. It's the ideal way to hone your writing skills and also to find out if you have what it takes. You learn to express yourself. You develop your own style. You learn how to write for a particular type of audience. Whatever lights their fire, you'll learn how to deliver it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Just one question: how do you write a blog?</b><br />That's a darned good question! I mentioned in the A section that you should know your audience. If you know them, write for them. Discuss the things that interest them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The simplest way to do this is by choosing a theme for your blog. This could be a hobby of yours, such as martial arts or photography. You could also write a blog about your profession, such as marketing, computing or teaching. <br /><br />A blog can be about anything, really, but remember that writing consistently about a subject that readers are interested in is the easiest way to build up a following. You'll also become known as an expert on the area. And we all like to hear from someone who knows what they're talking about.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How long should the posts be?</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's no hard, fast rule about how long your blog posts should be, but the general convention is 200 to 400 words. They can can be longer if you wish, but avoid writing posts of 1 000 words or more (unless you want to lose readers). If a particular topic requires lengthy posts, you can split it up into a series. (Brownie points for me for following my own advice!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Make your posts easier to read by splitting them up with subheadings. When reading texts on the Net, people tend to skim-read them first to see if the content is useful to them. If it is, they'll read the whole thing. The subheadings will steer the reader gently through the text, and the easier your post is to read the more chance you have of people reading them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Feel free to break up texts with pictures, too. They add colour to the post. Besides, visually, long blocks of text just ain't schmexy! </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On a final note... Do your put your own picture in?</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You'll notice that I have put my picture on this blog. The face behind the words. However, the late Italian writer Italo Calvino believed that if writers kept from making public appearances, their work took on more authority. He had a point, but really, what harm can it do? Just enjoy yourself.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-66615687499193792102013-04-17T22:31:00.001+01:002013-04-19T22:17:50.081+01:00The first in a new series...<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been writing for a long time now. It's something I've always done, in one way or another. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">First it was a spoof diary back in the school days. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then in the college years, and even before then, I was scribbling letters by good ole snail mail to penpals. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'A' levels out of the way, I was free to contribute to the student newspaper in my uni days. Email was also starting to become a friend of mine. There were the love letters, too.... Loves that are lost now. Only the memory remains. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now we're in the digital era, my writing has turned to copywriting and blogging. Both are fun. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So yes, I feel I've a fair bit of experience in the writing department, either from writing professionally, writing as an amateur or writing from what life has given me. People have said I do it well. Some have asked me how I do it. All I can say is I have passion for it. I've indulged it by reading, reading about writing, and by writing, and I've decided to share a few things I've picked up along the way.<br /><br />I'd like to kick off the first in my own little A to Z of writing tips. The series will do what it says on the tin. Like all good A to Zs, why not start with the letter <i>A</i>?</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A is for Audience</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's a golden rule, especially in advertising, that you should think about who (or, if we're going to split grammatical hairs, for whom) you're writing for. Know your audience. What do they like? What makes your blog, column or stories so special that they're reading your work instead of someone else?<br /><br />Knowing your audience will keep you and your writing focused on the task, or better said, the text in hand. It'll help you provide useful, engaging content that speaks to them, instead of generic, mind-numbing drivel that talks at them. <br /><br />Our parents always warn us when we're young not to talk to strangers. That applies to writing too. Find out who your audience are, learn about their likes and dislikes and, even though you might not have met them, they won't be strangers to you any more. More importantly, when they read your writing nor will you feel like them one to them. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-5568293346615998972013-03-23T20:07:00.002+00:002013-03-23T20:23:27.725+00:00Be careful what you wish for<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people take to everything they do like a duck to water. Not me. I have to work at it (I get there in the end).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people sail through their exams without reading a word. Not me. I have to study, and study hard I do (again I make it).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people get all the girls. They only have to look at them and they fall at their feet. Not me. I've lost count of the times I've been a third wheel, a gooseberry, a (drunken) wallflower. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And some people just have it all: gorgeous wife, good job, kids, a mortgage; everything society has taught us to want out of life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But you know what? It doesn't bother me. I enjoy my job and have money in my pocket. I don't mind the single life. I get on well with my colleagues. I have friends and family (all are well). I have hobbies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have simple pleasures. Despite not having certain things or capabilities, I don't want what someone else has or wish I was like them. I celebrate their happiness in my head, and feel happy with my lot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The great Oscar Wilde said there are two tragedies in life: one is not getting everything you want, the other is getting it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was right. If you can be content, you can be happier. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That puts me in a good place, then.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-5073674434659917492013-03-23T17:27:00.000+00:002013-03-23T19:30:21.155+00:00'It's not you, it's me'<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was a time when I was impatient to log in to Facebook and see what was going on, see people's pictures of the night before the morning after, of the birthdays I couldn't be there for, of the newborn babies I couldn't hold and other such happy moments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But now I've fallen out of love with Facebook. After several updates in which Facebook has changed my privacy settings to 'Public' without my say-so, I've started phasing the once-good book out of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And not content to lock horns with just Google, Facebook plans to take on Twitter with some hashtag functions of its own. The chances are once Facebook gets its own function up and running, my news and views will yet again be open to all and sundry. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But having a Facebook account is like having a passport. Everyone has one. So I'll be keeping my account for the sake of keeping in touch with my friends and family. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Driven into the arms of another</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many entries ago, I declared my love for Facebook. Twitter was the one playing gooseberry. My how they've traded places since then.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Twitter is more open. When I tweet I already know the whole world can see it, and that they can see it because it's my decision - not Facebook's - to let them. There aren't any secrets between Twitter and I, and anything that happens between us stays between us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So Twitter has stolen my heart, though I suppose one day I'll come crawling back to Facebook. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The thing is, love is hard to find but easy to lose. Things just won't be the same again between the two of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's hard to love someone you don't trust anymore. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-64703662537189068682013-02-05T20:40:00.003+00:002013-02-05T20:49:20.668+00:00Choosing Life II<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>And so our hero continues to choose life.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yep, with my cold out of the way, I've taken my first steps towards being more active. Was originally going to take up rollerblading, but before I could pick up the phone for classes something else caught my eye: judo! </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wanted to do something that was fun, interesting and would improve my overall strength and fitness, and judo fitted the bill perfectly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm the first to confess I'm a wimp. But I'm a wimp with heart. Of course, when it comes to the martial arts and combat sports, heart will see you through. That's if the movies are anything to go by - which they aren't. Good technique and dedication, on the other hand, will take you far. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />So there I was last night at my first class, learning to grapple, to escape different holds and to block attacks. It was fun. It was intense. It was physical. I've got to tell you, being thrown around has never felt so liberating!<br /><br />The next class is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to the discipline, techniques and the fitness that lie ahead for me by learning judo. I'm looking forward to making new friends. I'm looking forward to, one day, even competing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Or simply, I'm looking forward to the journey.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-69379849753260902692013-01-14T20:20:00.001+00:002013-01-14T20:23:50.612+00:00Choosing Life<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">... And so another New Year begins, and our hero finds himself with yet another series of good intentions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year I decided to:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cut down on chocolate</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do more exercise and be more active</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Join a club and make a few new friends (several are married off and with child now) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Learn to drive. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So how's it going so far?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Give up chocolate? Never</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Says it all really. I've gotta be honest with you, my friend, I love chocolate too much. You've heard the Queen song 'I'm in Love with my Car'? Well, for me, it's 'I'm in Love with my Chocolate Bar'!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you're shaking your head, tutting in disgust or both, you try resisting the big bags of Maltesers at half price. Go on. I dare ya!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it's not all bad news. I've cut down on caffeine, I'm drinking more water and eating more fruit. I've also given up the Greggs breakfast sausage rolls, exchanging them for bananas instead. Oh and my skin condition is clearing up slightly too. Hooray!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me? Exercise?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I used to be really active. In my twenties, it was running and the gym. In my early thirties, it was the gym, spinning classes, which I particularly loved, and swimming. For the benefit of the tape, I promise I wasn't splashing round in the pool. Oh okay, just a little bit, then....!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These days not so, but I'm trying to change that. Was struck down with flu on New Year's Day, which just about wiped me about for the next few days. Still got a vicious cough that won't go away, no matter how much medicine and flu capsules I hammer it with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So at the moment, I walk both to and from work instead of catching the bus, which is an hour each way on these short legs of mine. As soon as this cough goes on its way, I'll be enrolling in my rollerblading lessons. Been wanting to rollerblade for some time now, but I'm not steady enough to make a hasty exit from the kids at the skate park in Gorgie or be sure I won't end up under a bus! I'll also be swimming again (safer!).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Friends to the End</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Poor health is no excuse for not making friends. Managed to indulge myself further in my horror film interest and joined the city's horror film society. Went out for a pint the other night, followed by a gallon of Diet Coke in front of the family film that is <i>The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2013</i> in 3D. Slightly weird and unrealistic ending, but still worth going to see. Not that I minded - I have new friends! Hooray again!<br /><br /><b><span style="color: #bf9000;">When Driven, Maybe I'll be Smitten!</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not made any progress on this front yet. Not sure what's stopping me either. Maybe once I get behind the wheel, I'll be smitten. It's just getting over that first hurdle: the telephone!<br /><br />Oh well, in terms of keeping to my New Year's resolutions - revolutions, anyone? - 2013 has been a mixed bag so far. Of course, I'm getting older, so I'd better get cracking with them. <br /><br />Thankfully, though, the year is still very young. Hopefully, I'll have some good news to ring in 2014 with. <br /><br />Watch this (thinner) space! </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-41350889189113108442012-12-08T20:09:00.002+00:002012-12-11T19:12:19.720+00:00I'm a Christmas Shopper, Get Me Out of Here!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Tis the season of bah humbug, 'twould appear. Always makes me laugh how grumpy people get toward Christmas. Seems to be becoming an annual pain in the proverbial for some - up there with filling in tax returns and spring cleaning. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But soon Christmas Eve arrives and it's marvellous. Getting together with your mates, having a few beers and a laugh, and collectively hoping you can manage Christmas dinner the next day (yes, you will, you always have done). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You make it to Christmas Day and, again, it's magical. Gorging on turkey and Quality Street, opening presents with family and seeing the delight / disappointment on their faces at your amazing/awful gift, and laughing at near-the-knuckle innuendos with words like 'giblets' and 'stuffing'. All in a nice warm sitting room. Lovely! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then there's Boxing Day for the post-Christmas Day hangover. Not me. I stay fresh. Second day of turkey and on to selection box number two already, and finding ways to pack up my presents for heading back up to bonny Scotland. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Storm Before the Calm</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But before all that, you have to get your presents. Last year I proposed the strategy of buying something practical plus a gift card for a win-win situation. It worked!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year I'm wondering, what's the best way to do your Christmas shopping? Bit by bit, a big push in the final week or online?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Option A: Here a bit, there a bit</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My own personal 'preference'. Wrap up warm and hit the high street, a little each time! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pros:</span></u><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I always come back with something nice for myself too</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I treat myself to lunch or a two-hour coffee break for all my hard graft</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can see what I'm buying</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I get to laugh at other people getting grumpy. Heard several people dropping the F-bomb today! </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The cons:</span></u><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Queues</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lots of pushing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having to dodge all kinds of chuggers, brass bands and what not on the main streets, in shop doorways, etc.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Option B: The Massive Push</span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people's preferred option is to do it all in one foul sweep the night before Christmas. I salute them!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pros:</span></u></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">More free time for you</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Getting it all done in the aforementioned foul swoop!</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u>The cons</u>:</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Higher stress levels</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still have to cope with queues and people pushing</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still have to avoid chuggers, brass bands and all other what not on main streets, in shop doorways, etc.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Option C: The Safe Haven of Amazon</span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some people opt of the stress-free environment of Amazon and other online stores. Liking those apples!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pros:</span></u></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes cheaper</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Avoids crowds, queues and chuggers, or even crowds of chuggers!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Less hassle</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<u><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The cons</span></u></div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Pray the online company delivers on time</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You don't see what you buy until it arrives</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can't laugh at other people getting highly strung over Christmas!</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just a few things to ponder for drawing up your plan of (no) action for Christmas shopping. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whichever you choose, though, just enjoy the smile on the recipient's face when they open your present. Resist the urge to say 'I went through hell to get that!'. Who knows? They might have been to hell AND back for yours!</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-80572923861587319712012-11-05T20:55:00.000+00:002012-11-05T21:07:25.902+00:00Phyllis<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I read a while back that there's no such thing as ghosts. It's funny how fiction can also contain elements of reality. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This was in one of my beloved detective novels, of all things. In it, the main character comments that ghosts come from within. He feels they're a product of our fears, our worries or our sufferings, and our mind creates them to comfort us. <br /><br />It makes me wonder about a dream I had recently about you, Nana. You were in it, certainly. But were you in the room with me too? I dreamed you were hugging me. I could even feel something holding me. <br /><br />I even thought I saw you. The person in the dream - it was Edna - told me that the noises I could hear while I was sleeping were coming from you as you tidied my room. Why you were tidying my room, I don't know, but I didn't mind. I opened my eyes for a split second, but I don't know if this was in the dream or in real life, and there you were, making a right old racket. You were wearing your lilac outfit. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was in such a deep sleep I can't be sure, so maybe it was all just a pleasantly lucid dream. But it's the second time I've had such a dream and felt you were there. Do you come to see me? Are you watching over me? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I hope so. I wish I could see you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">How I wish I could see you and know that the novel is wrong.I guess I'll never.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-54726815431218907022012-10-13T17:47:00.001+01:002012-10-13T21:10:11.994+01:00Unlosing my Religion<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If I say name two religions, the first two that pop into your head are probably Christianity and Islam. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But apparently, there are over 10,000 separate religions, according to <i>Microtrends</i>, a smashing book I'm reading at the moment. This was at the time of writing, so you can be sure this number has risen by several thousand since then. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Use the Force</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The thing I found most interesting in all of this is that research shows two or three new religions are being created every day. Delightful! People are actually creating their own religions! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One that springs to mind immediately, of course, is the Jedi Faith. If you thought Brighton was just home to a thriving gay community, think again. Visit the Jedi Church website (<a href="http://www.jedichurch.org/">www.jedichurch.org</a>) and you'll find that 2% of Brighton's population believe in the Force.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So for a bit of fun, I typed in the search terms "weird religions", "strange religions" and "quirky religions" on Google. (Some people steal cars for fun, some do drugs... Me? I google stuff!) </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here are a few I found. After reading some of these, you can't help but thank some divine being or other for free speech!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Apatheism</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Or the religion of not giving a monkey's whether God exists or not, in other words! If God walked into an apatheist's house, looking to make a big entrance, and rustled up a spaghetti bolognese for them, the only reaction He'd get is 'Hmmmm, nice but could have done with a little more tomato in the sauce.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monsters (Pastafarianism)</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Officially registered, this strange religion believes the Flying Spaghetti Monster, working alongside pirates, brought the good there is on Earth. Their explanation for why the world is in moral decay - there's not enough pirates! The most evil people on the earth, according to them - gay people who give sweets to others. Oh dear!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>The Prince Philip Movement (my personal favourite!)</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Famous here for putting his foot in it, in another part of the world the Duke of Edinburgh is actually a divine being. To the Yaohnanen tribe on the island of Tanna, in Vanuatu, he - 'He', anyone? - is the son of a mountain spirit and a brother of John Frum (oh him, right!), some guy who was associated with cargo cults.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So next time you he's in the news for insulting deaf people or whatever, remember those words are gospel to others!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #bf9000;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Which gets me thinking...</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you were to start your own religion, who or what would you worship? My friends will tell you I really have it bad for chocolate, so I think I'd have to pledge my allegiance to the Church of Cadburys. In fact, some might say I'm already there! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You know what? Maybe I should. Enjoying chocolate wouldn't feel so sinful, then. Instead, I'd be just performing my religious duties. And whenever I was tempted to stray from the flock by dieting, one of the other followers could 'find' me again with a Caramel!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-83580996376761687222012-10-04T23:13:00.004+01:002012-10-05T22:14:37.441+01:00I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves... I know a song that'll get on your nerves...<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I love seeing how other human beings interact and what makes them tick. Finding out if I have anything in common with others around me. Hearing about their interests, what they they do for fun and what they do for a living. What experiences they've had in life... where they come from and where they've been. I love it all.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And I like discovering their personality traits. I love discovering other people's quirks. It's funny how we're all different and how random we can all be. So when someone voices a random displeasure, normally by saying something like 'Sorry, but it just bugs me' or 'Sorry, but I just can't stand them', they've no need to apologise really. Because I love it! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have one friend, for instance, who suddenly becomes impatient when she travels by train. Everywhere else she's as calm as the day is long, but as soon as she steps on the train her mannerisms change. Oh the human psyche!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, in no particular order, here are a few random things that irk me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>Two pound coins</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Hate these little blighters. These loathsome bits of metal imposed themselves upon the British currency in 1998. Fourteen years later and I still can't stand them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Living in a city where you always have to exactly the right money for the bus fare, the two pound coin is the most infuriating invention ever. Hate getting them back in my change when I've purposely spent money just to have a pound coin for the bus. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Whoever invented the two pound coin is clearly not from Edinburgh. Or maybe he or she is driven by chauffeur and just wants to wind the rest of us up. They're doing a good job if that's the case.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>High heels</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Controversial, but I'm throwing it out there! The ladies want to look a little taller. Fair play. At 5 ft 6 in I can empathise with that. But at the same time, what possessed the inventor to design a shoe that hurts the wearer. All that pressure on the heels ain't good for the spine, and on nights out heels hurt, especially when you cut a few shapes (and probably the back of your heels along with them!). <br /><br />One of the worst inventions of all time in my eyes. That said, people who can walk on stilts impress me! Go figure!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>Hob Nobs</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Now a lot of you may be wondering what I have against this seemingly innocent biscuit! Well, I don't particularly like the taste or texture. Hob Nobs don't have the courage of their convictions to be a flapjack, nor to be a chocolate digestive, so they just fob the eater off with something between the two. Such a cowardly biscuit and a fence-sitter if ever there was one!<br /><br />Then there's the discussion they caused between workers in the staff canteen. When asked which was the better biscuit out of Hob Nobs or chocolate Digestives, the Hob Nob roundly trounced the poor choccie Digestive. Couldn't believe it! What kind of world do we live in when people prefer a biscuit that has an identity crisis hahaha!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>Button-up flies</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Up there with high heels as one of the worst inventions ever. I'm a zip man all the way! Many a time I've been caught short and, once I finally made it to the bathroom, had to fight it out with the buttons on my flies. Not yet embarrassed myself that way, but there have been a few close calls! Some people don't like lace-up shoes; I'm anti-button-up flies! Kids say no!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So there we have it, guys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Just a few of the daft little things that get under my skin! I'm not a fan of ranty blogs at all, but every now and then it's okay to have a rant, in my opinion, as long as you do it with humour. But be warned if you open a packet of Hob Nobs in front of me. It could all kick off haha! <br /><br />What are your daft pet hates? Go on. Spill 'em! You're not chicken, are you!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-88888974150513071652012-09-22T18:24:00.002+01:002012-09-22T21:33:24.694+01:00All the nice ones are taken!<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">All the nice ones are taken, aren't they! Life gives some other young stallion the good fortune to meet (and hook up with or marry) that one person who really lights your fire. It amuses itself by giving you a good, hard kick in the nuts like that!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Of course, you don't always instantly know the object of your affections is attached. How many times have you asked someone out but been shot down in flames with a 'Sorry, but I'm already seeing someone'? Not quite the reply you were hoping for, so you stammer a little, blush a little, apologise and be on your way.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So today I'm here to point out a few signs that a guy or girl might be single, help you avoid asking out people who are already in a relationship and, into the bargain, transform you into sleuths of the dating world! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>1. Look and listen</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If they work with you or are part of your social group, keep your ears open during conversation. Amongst the talk of sport or technology, or of shoes and shopping, and all the other stuff of interest to the opposite sex, there may be mention of 'the wife', 'the missus', 'my lass / my lad', 'my bird' or of having to pick the kids up from school. All clear signs they're off limits - officially, at least. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Obviously, check for rings, too. If there's light bouncing off their ring finger into your eyes and blinding you, that's a pretty good sign, I'd say, to stay away!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>2. Check their supermarket trolley</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You see them ambling down the fruit and veg section with their trolley, looking good enough to eat. But how do you know if they have an other half?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Check the trolley for tell-tale signs. Are they buying nappies, baby food or anything else that suggests they're a family guy or gal? If so. On the other hand, they could be just some kind of deranged pervert who enjoys wearing nappies and dines on baby food!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Now, my trolley, for instance, tends to be stuffed with crisps, chocolate, microwave meals and frozen foods such as fish fingers, crispy pancakes, chicken burgers or good ole Bernard Matthews's turkey burgers. Fairly indicative signs that a) I'm single and b) I have a penchant for eating crap. A girlfriend would have me eating healthy, wholesome food. Right now it ain't happening, so pounce on me, ladies!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>3. Observe their clothes</b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This one applies more to girls seeking guys. You have a feeling there's a wife or girlfriend in the picture somewhere, darnit. How can you confirm it?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Check out his clothes. Does he look like he dressed in the dark? Do his clothes date back to the 60s? If he's dressed like a deck chair or one of the Famous Five, the chances are he has no lady by his side to act as a fashion consultant. So swoop in there!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Believe it or not, there are guys out there who know how to dress themselves. A rare breed, indeed, and maybe you've stumbled on one. Are, however, his clothes all creased and crinkled? I'm pretty lousy at ironing. In fact, not pretty lousy... just plain lousy! I do my best, but if there's a lady willing to iron a shirt for me, then I'll seize that opportunity with both hands!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So if he looks like he's ironed his clothes with a sledgehammer, either he actually has or, more probably, he's single and just doesn't know how to iron. Snap him up, ladies, and also show him to iron! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #bf9000;"><b>It's all good</b> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you've followed this blog for a while, you'll have sensed that single life is a long-running theme in it. Yeah, there are times when I'm less okay with it than others, but for the record, I'm finding it pretty cool. It allows me to write fun articles like this one. Oh and again for the record, if you should catch me peeping at your trolley, don't assume I'm analysing your status. I have a vendetta against Hob-Nobs. </span>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-81816650960929213522012-09-12T22:36:00.003+01:002012-09-22T18:27:17.658+01:00The Colour of Me II<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Pleased to say I solved a recent pickle I encountered as a single guy in a clothes shop and documented loosely on this blog just recently. Whoop whoop!</div>
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I chose a nice, burgundy tie to go with my navy blue suit and so looked just as smart as all the other wedding guests. Maybe I undid the hard work later with my lousy dancing... who knows, though I did refrain from tying my tie round my head Rambo-style!</div>
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At the time of writing that post, I remember thinking I could have done with the female touch to help me choose the right colour and tone of tie. A couple of days later, however, something happened that changed all that.</div>
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As I drifted up and down the tie section, sliding ties off of the rack to see if they went with the navy blue jacket in the shop, I noticed another young lad (my how I flatter myself, I know!) with his girlfriend. also looking for a tie. He picked up various ties, to which she commented, 'No, you need a darker tone if it's a grey suit', 'No, you're certainly not wearing spots with pin stripes' and, somewhat more brutally, 'Don't even bother with that one.'</div>
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Somewhat publicly reprimanded for his taste in ties, and looking slightly crestfallen, he hung them all back on their respective racks and left it to her to do the choosing. And in that moment, I suddenly realised I was grateful for my freedom as a single male, even though the circumstances that caused it had been unpleasant. If I want to dress as if I've done so in the dark, I can now (not that I want to, of course!).<br />
<br />
It all reminded me that, even though it's been two years now, maybe I can still get used to this singles jazz after all. </div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'll try.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-79404420358870070552012-09-06T22:25:00.004+01:002012-09-22T18:26:54.474+01:00Take me away!<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Both friends and family have told me I need to learn to cook. No girl wants a man who can't cook, some say. And now that I'm back on the singles market, I guess I should - if not for a lady then at least for myself. No good two people starving. Besides, no woman wants a guy who's malnourished.... yeah yeah, we get the picture!</div>
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<b>One thing I don't get, however...</b></div>
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Is is the (cruel) nature of the human appetite. Naturally, you can't eat takeaway day in, day out. For the record, I don't, but it doesn't stop me from having spells when I eat more than I normally would. Then I feel bad for eating so much junk and decide to cut down.</div>
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So I go to the supermarket, grab a trolley and go wild in the aisles. I pay for my shopping, then clear off feeling great. Check out the willpower on me! </div>
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But then something mysterious happens. The next day, despite having a fridge full of food, I feel like takeaway! All that lovely food and now I can't be bothered to prepare it. Before I know it I'm ordering a Texas BBQ in Domino's pizza parlour! Such is life.</div>
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Now, suppose I eventually master the dark art of cookery and, in turn, cut down on takeaway. Suppose that I also meet a nice young lady. Will I cook for her? Chances are I won't. Why?<br />
<br />
Because I'll be too busy whisking her away down to fancy restaurants! And if not fancy restaurants, in an effort to spend quality time together, we'll probably be getting some takeaway in and curl up in front of a DVD. </div>
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<b style="color: #bf9000;">Lessons</b></div>
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I think there are some valuable lessons to be learned from all this!</div>
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<u>Lesson 1: </u>Don't go shopping so often. The food in your fridge will only go to waste eventually! You can't fight the takeaway industry... nobody can. It's too powerful!</div>
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<u>Lesson 2:</u> People think you put yourself in an early grave if you eat takeaway a lot. But why waste hours in the kitchen, cooking, when you be done in 10 minutes and doing something else? Add up all those hours spent in the kitchen a year. Conclusion: you're wasting your life!</div>
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<u>Lesson 3:</u> Maybe you can dazzle a woman with your cookery skills, but it ain't necessarily so. I'll bet if you can recommend a good restaurant, or even a decent takeaway, you can just as easily be a culinary hero! </div>
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And so we have it. Cooking and singles don't really go together, and takeaways weren't just for single people who can't cook! They're for couples who can't be bothered and singles who want to impress their suitors with their culinary knowledge!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-44375571349357626092012-08-25T17:18:00.000+01:002012-09-22T18:27:35.314+01:00The Colour of Me<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
No matter how much you enjoy your freedom, there are times when you realise how single you are: weddings fly straight in at no 1, followed by funerals, christenings and nights out with friends (if you're the wallflower).<br />
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You've probably guessed all of these already. There is, however, one other time when your single-dom hits you like a juggernaut: clothes shopping!</div>
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That's right... It's the awkward moment when you're by yourself, you're in a clothes shop and you don't know which colours go together, so you have to ask the (good-looking) shop assistant to help you coordinate them.</div>
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Then there's the solitary process of trying the clothes on in the changing cubicle. You take them on and off a million times, trying to decide a) if they fit and b) if so, do they suit you?<br />
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While the other guys pull back the curtain for their wife or girlfriend's opinion, you peep out shyly from behind the curtain to see if the pretty shop assistant is nearby hanging up clothes or something. Affirmative. Only then do you draw it back and ask 'Are the sleeves too big or too small?' - the male equivalent of asking 'Does my bum look big in this?'. <br />
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She says no, then asks if there's anything else she can help you with. You say no, and as you walk to the counter to pay for your new clothes, you realise you need a woman's touch. We men may learn how to dress ourselves when we're kids, but we'll be learning dress sense forever!</div>
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The witty Mark Twain famously said, 'I never let schooling interfere with my education.' So if someone should lift me off the singles market this year, then, having chosen my own clothes and learned to coordinate colours a little better, I can at least wear a badge with '<b>Zara -Class of 2012</b>' emblazoned on it. </div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-41831808516017565312012-08-23T23:17:00.001+01:002012-08-24T22:44:08.563+01:00Literature to hold your hand<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Being
a man of letters, I'm probably biased when I say books are the best thing since sliced bread. If I'd been a
number cruncher, I'd have said it was algebra, a scary thought
to anyone's mind (except mathematicians, of course).</div>
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And
I said so because of the power of books to educate
us not only with facts and figures, but about life itself. </div>
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You know how just when you're going through a break-up or other painful experience, the radio plays the most crushingly relevant song possible (for me it was the Human League's <i>Don't You Want Me</i> every day after I got the elbow! Ouch!). It occurred to me that books do the same. </div>
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I
was reading one of my beloved Orhan Pahmuk's novels a month ago,
when I suddenly found myself nodding my head. I
paused, put the book down for a moment and thought 'This guy knows what
it's all about.'</div>
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Pahmuk isn't
the only one who's had this effect on me. Paulo Coelho has also offered
timely words in the past. It's as if they've both lived before, have seen all of life's pitfalls and now, following this dressed rehearsal, can show us how
to live a happy - or happier - life.</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Have
you discovered any fiction writers who you felt could steer you through
life? I'd be interested to hear what both you and they had to say.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-85551802104798650392012-08-14T23:44:00.001+01:002012-08-24T22:46:29.574+01:00I wish you all the Bs for the next Olympics <div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Roll on, Rio 2016! </div>
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The London 2012 Olympic Games got off to a slightly farcical start, with accusations of doping, the match fixing scandal and Boz Johnson getting caught in a zip wire. Later on, they took on the bitter taste of sour grapes towards the end with a rift between Bolt and Lewis, but in spite of all this they were still a rip-roaring success. </div>
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Our opening ceremony gave us Bond, Bean and Beth II (as in Queen Eliza), then we wheeled out Sir Paul McCartney for a chorus of na-na-na-nanananas in a celebration of our Britishness. And we closed the Games by proving something that all Brits have known since time immemorial: that Liam Gallagher still needs brother Noel. </div>
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But best of all, Team GB won a serious amount of medals in between. Anyone who says the medals don't remind them of those chocolate coins you get at Christmas time, incidentally, is a big fat liar! </div>
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Elsewhere during the Games, there was the suggestion of a campaign for darts to become an Olympic sport. Being a darts fan, I'd like to see that. If I'm honest, though, I can't really see it happening. </div>
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That brought me round to thinking about what I'd like to see become an Olympic sport. The youth in me would love to see rollerblading become part of the Games. Would be great to see more of the international community introduced to Brian Aragon! </div>
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It would be interesting to see if any countries in particular excelled at it, too. Kenya produces terrific long distance runners, just as Britain produced Cram, Coe and Evett in the glory days of British middle-distance running (bring them back!). </div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then those who have given up on the English football team could invest their hopes in a national rollerblading team instead! With this in mind, would you like to see in the Olympics? </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-86538451371973495552012-07-26T17:09:00.000+01:002012-07-26T17:16:53.937+01:00Consolation Prizes, They Ain't<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<b>'Books, which we mistake for consolation, only add to our sorrow.'</b></div>
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This line comes from the character Black in Orhan Pamuk's <i>My Name is Red</i>. I've become a fan of Pamuk in recent years, ever since reading his tender memoir <i>Istanbul: Memories of a City</i>. </div>
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Then I read Pamuk's <i>The New Life</i>, a metaphysical thriller about a guy who reads a life-changing book. Feeling somewhat more appreciative of spirituality in the last couple of years, I enjoyed the wisdom within.</div>
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However, I disagree with the quote in bold. </div>
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<b>Do books add to sorrow? </b></div>
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Not in my opinion. It depends what you read. I don't read harrowing biographies or novels, but I'm pretty sure that despite all the tragic events in them, they become more positive towards the end and inspire the reader. </div>
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The closest I got to this kind of book was reading the <i>Angela's Ashes</i> trilogy by the pioneer of miserable literature, the late Frank McCourt. I loved it. And far from depressing me, the trilogy introduced me to literature I'd not read before, namely Dostoevsky's <i>Crime and Punishment</i> (which I thought was brilliant!), and new observations on life. <b style="color: #bf9000;"> </b></div>
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<b style="color: #bf9000;">What do books do for us, then? (Or why I love them so much!)</b></div>
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The obvious answer is, they educate. You don't have be an astrophysicist to know that. </div>
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But not only do they educate. Far from add to any sorrow, they inspire me. Whether it's a fiction novel, a blog post, a business biography, a reference book on an area of interest, or a 'smart thinking' book... I feel inspired to write and by what I'm reading and what I'm learning from them. If the person who wrote the book can be that brilliant at writing or whatever else they specialise in, then so can I! </div>
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<br />
As well as educate, books broaden our (mental) horizons and provide us with different perspectives on the world. Though we may not always realise it, they develop our capacity for thought, even if we might not be trying to solve a mind puzzle or contemplating a piece of philosophy at the time. </div>
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And books do offer consolation. When we're feeling bad, there are books out there that can help lift us out of the mire, books by people who have been through what we have. By reading others experiences and their ideas, we can also make sense of our own lives, not to mention life itself. Well, maybe some of it, at least!<br />
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<b style="color: #bf9000;">Books are an aid to a lifelong project</b></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">That project goes by the name of happiness. They may have added to Black's sorrow in </span><i style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My Name is Red</i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">, but, for the reasons above, they've enriched this blogger's happiness.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Life is a learning curve, and when the teachers and the lecturers are gone, you've still got to learn from someone. Books can help you live the life you want to lead, both personally and professionally. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And I think here is where I'll end the lesson for today....!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-73446914950680873502012-07-24T23:15:00.001+01:002012-07-24T23:16:27.866+01:00Let's See How They Got On...<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Have you ever read <i>Outliers</i> by <a href="http://gladwell.typepad.com/gladwellcom/">Malcom Gladwell</a> ?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Pretty interesting stuff, this interesting theory on success. The book challenges our assumptions that exceptionally successful people, or 'outliers' as Gladwell refers to them, are so because they're extraordinarily talented. In each chapter, he illustrates how people from different walks of life have made it big on circumstances other than sheer natural gifted-ness.</div>
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Gladwell argues that:</div>
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<li>culture</li>
<li>timing / date of birth</li>
<li>practice </li>
<li>communication (in some cases)</li>
<li>opportunities</li>
</ul>
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... are all factors in success. Very interesting ideas, it has to be said.</div>
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<b>And so...</b></div>
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This got me thinking about some of my own achievements, about my own life, and whether any of these factors could be said to have had an underlying influence. Let's take a look at the findings! </div>
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<u>Timing/date of birth</u> -- Let's start with my birthday. I was born in '79. This was also the same year Maggie 'Milk Snatcher' Thatcher became PM. Nasty! Can I attribute any of life's disappointments to spending the first 17 to 18 years of my life under Conservative rule? Since I've had a terrific upbringing, I think I'll say yes!</div>
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<u>Culture </u>-- Well, we Brits are famous for our good manners, reserved, er, manner and <i>fleme britannique </i>(the good ole British stiff upper lip). I'd have to say being quintessentially British has gotten me far at home and abroad. Cup of tea, old chap?</div>
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<u>Practice</u> -- According to Gladwell's <i>Outliers</i>, Bill Joy, one of the world's most successful computer programmers put in 10,000 hours of computer programming practice. Using my noggin and the power of Excel, that works out at 416 days, 6 hours. To be the very best at writing, blogging or anything else I choose to do, that's over a year of solid, round-the-clock practice. That sounds quite pleasurable, actually! Am I a geek?</div>
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<u>Opportunities</u> - Sticking with our friend Bill Joy, it turns out that not only did Billy boy put in 10,000 hours behind the computer screen, he also happened to be in the right place at the right time. At the time Joy attended university, computer programming was a tedious and lengthy process. However, he studied in Michigan, one of the first places in the world to switch to a new system of programming, the timeshare. Better still, the computer labs were open 24 hours a day. Joy may as well have given up his student digs and moved into it!</div>
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Have to say I've had my fair share of the breaks in the past. But at the same time, some of these breaks I've also created for myself. Not sure I can concur with Gladwell on this one (not that he cares, I imagine!). Sometimes you gotta make your own luck. </div>
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<u>Communication</u> -- I'm a languages specialist. I'm a wordsmith. I'm a customer service expert. I read a lot. I write a lot. It's gotten me places. (Just a short entry in case you felt I was waffling above!) </div>
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<b style="color: #bf9000;">Didn't he do well!</b></div>
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Okay, I've been messing about in this post, but Gladwell puts forward some interesting arguments, though some of his theories may only ever be just that: theories.</div>
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Nevertheless, it makes his book somewhat inspiring. If you're no good at something, it doesn't mean you never will be. You've just got to keep at it and keep your eyes and ears open. Eventually the breaks will come and things will start to fall into place. The forces of the world will conspire to make it your oyster. <i>Bon appetite, </i>soldier!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-82890127326505619012012-07-23T23:53:00.004+01:002012-07-25T17:16:43.327+01:00This is your life?<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Not sure what it is with me and (auto)biographies lately. I tend to think they're a vain kind of writing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Of all the subjects to write about, people write about their life as if we actually cared. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Yet in a bizarre twist of fate, over the last year or so I've started to become quite interested in them. Since last summer, I've read:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Motley Crüe: The Dirt</i> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Marilyn Manson: The Long, Hard Road Out of Hell</i> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Steven Tyler: Does the Noise in my Head Bother You?</i> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>A Book About innocent: Our Story & Some of the Things We've Learned </i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Pour Your Heart Into It: How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time</i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Onwards: How Starbucks Fought for its Life Without Losing its Soul</i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>My Dark Places, </i>by James Ellroy</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i>I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan</i> by Alan Partridge </span></li>
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<span style="font-size: small;">That's three rock (auto)biographies, three business ones, a comedy one and a part-autobiography part-crime investigation, and still I'm thirsty for more (keep your eyes peeled for Keith Richards's <i>Life</i>, Karren Brady's <i>Strong Woman</i> and Walter Isaac's <i>Steve Jobs</i> going cheap for me, would you!).</span></div>
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<b>Life begins at...? </b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">My disillusionment with the genre stems from seeing bookshops littered with biographies and autobiographies by people who have barely been in showbiz 5 minutes yet feel compelled to tell the whole world their story. Take Jedward - barely out of school and they'd already published a book about their lives! It's dumbed down the genre.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I've enjoyed the above (auto)biographies - except for the Marilyn Manson one! - because the subjects have had interesting life experiences and ideas worth discussing. The point of biographical writing is for someone to look back on their career, on their achievements and low points (and how they came back from the latter!) and share some of the magic behind it all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">To my mind, these days, the memories don't even have time to begin before the memoirs are already being published. But maybe I should get with the programme and think about writing my own memoirs?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">What do you think? Do you think biographical writing has somehow lost its purpose? </span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-68468424793287024242012-07-22T23:11:00.001+01:002012-07-22T23:15:47.934+01:00Betty IV<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I made a stupid mistake today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I phoned Grandad to say thanks for the money he had sent me. That's not the mistake, however. The mistake was dialling the wrong number without realising it. I was just one digit out, but that's no consolation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">A lady answered the phone. You haven't been with us for over a year now, so I wasn't expecting that. Then I felt elated: I thought it was you on the other end of the line.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But it wasn't. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I'm reading a good book at the moment by Orhan Pamuk called <i>My Name is Red</i>. There's a nice quote in it:<i>: After some tragedy, we all feel the same way: In one last desperate hope, and without caring how comic and foolish we appear, we pray that everything might continue as it always has.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> And it's so true. A small part of me has always hoped you'll come home, just like when I was waiting for you to suddenly start speaking while I stood by your side at the funeral parlour. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I guess for a moment I saw a glimpse of this hope realised, then saw it fade away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I put the phone down and cried. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6793171937313501159.post-66396744184365818552012-07-21T23:19:00.005+01:002012-07-22T23:45:45.831+01:00What have the 80s ever done for us?<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">They were tacky. They gave us mullets and the New Romantics. They virtually gave up on good taste. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">They were the 80s and kitsch was the norm!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I've sometimes been ridiculed for my love of this very cheesy decade. But here are a few things many of us can be grateful to the 80s for, and not just me. I must warn you it gets pretty random! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Do They Know It's Christmas Time? - </b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Band Aid</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">We all remember the video. Phil Collins, Sting, Bono, Duran Duran, George Michael, the ever-colourful Boy George and several other 80s icons rounded up in the studio together by Sir Bob Geldof. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sir Bob and friends didn't just give us a timeless Christmas classic. They raised a great deal of awareness about the poverty in Africa and did much good with this well-written song, not to mention the Live Aid concert.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It was a decade in which, rather than complain about the state of the world from his armchair, one man decided to act and try to make it a better place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Michael J. Fox</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Yes, he of <i>Back to the Future</i> and <i>Teen Wolf</i> fame, the latter making me feel better about quite hairy for my young years at the time! Good old Marty McFly who travelled backwards in time in one of the coolest cars ever to be created, whizzed about on a skateboard and riffed Johnny B.Goode at the school dance. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">This 80s heart-throb has made it into my list not so much because of the movies, good as they were, but because of his illness. Struck down by Parkinson's disease, he has created a foundation to try to research cures for the disease. <br /><br />His story is a reminder to us all how cruel life can sometimes be. We should never forget it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><i>Appetite for Destruction</i> by Guns 'N' Roses</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the 70s, it was the Sex Pistols whom everybody feared. Then came the late 80s and the 'Most Dangerous Band in the World'. In a decade riddled with synth, bad makeup and mullets - that said, I love it still! - came one of the most timeless rock albums ever: <i>Appetite for Destruction</i>! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">They proved that the 80s were still capable of good music, even if all fashion sense had gone out of the window.'Paradise City' - what an anthem, and 'Sweet Child o' Mine' - what a guitar solo with its 1 000 million notes per second!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Even now I still listen to this album, hoping that heavy metal will see the light and once again be about virtuous playing and finely crafted songs, rather than about angst and lousy childhoods. I'll probably never see that day, but I can dream about if nothing else!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Space Raiders</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I admit I've never liked these crisps. I did, however, like the price. At just 10p<b> </b>a packet, Space Raiders were the epitome of the cheap snack, that food could be affordable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Not only that, in my adult years this concept would immediately help me identify (potential) shoplifters when working in customer service, who would ask 'Have you got any 10 pence crisps?'. If they asked that, you'd immediately suspect that if that's all they had on them, and that's all they'd come for, they had no need to be walking around the shop for 10 minutes after you'd already said no!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b style="color: #bf9000;">Thatcherism</b><br />Oooooooo controversial. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Not because I think it's a good thing, however. Remember that saying, 'There's nothing like the sight of the battlefield after the battle to inspire a love of peace and a hatred of war' or something along those lines? Well, unfortunately, we had to experience Thatcherism just so we'd know how bad life under the Conservatives would actually be come future elections: expect rioting on the streets, iron fist-style government, tax cuts and major cuts in the public sector. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sadly, we came full circle in the last general election, but, once they were finally out, at least we kept the Tories out for over 10 years before letting them back in. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">These are just a few of the things I think the 80s deserve a little gratitude for. They showed us some of the things that could be achieved; showed us some of the things that couldn't; and some of the things that simply shouldn't be tried! </span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What are you grateful to the 80s for? Or is there a decade you think we should owe particular thanks to? I'd be interested to hear. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0