Unlosing my Religion

If I say name two religions, the first two that pop into your head are probably Christianity and Islam. 

But apparently, there are over 10,000 separate religions, according to Microtrends, a smashing book I'm reading at the moment. This was at the time of writing, so you can be sure this number has risen by several thousand since then. 

Use the Force
The thing I found most interesting in all of this is that research shows two or three new religions are being created every day. Delightful! People are actually creating their own religions!

One that springs to mind immediately, of course, is the Jedi Faith. If you thought Brighton was just home to a thriving gay community, think again. Visit the Jedi Church website (www.jedichurch.org) and you'll find that 2% of Brighton's population believe in the Force.

So for a bit of fun, I typed in the search terms "weird religions", "strange religions" and "quirky religions" on Google. (Some people steal cars for fun, some do drugs... Me? I google stuff!) 

Here are a few I found. After reading some of these, you can't help but thank some divine being or other for free speech!

Apatheism
Or the religion of not giving a monkey's whether God exists or not, in other words! If God walked into an apatheist's house, looking to make a big entrance, and rustled up a spaghetti bolognese for them, the only reaction He'd get is 'Hmmmm, nice but could have done with a little more tomato in the sauce.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monsters (Pastafarianism)
Officially registered, this strange religion believes the Flying Spaghetti Monster, working alongside pirates, brought the good there is on Earth. Their explanation for why the world is in moral decay - there's not enough pirates! The most evil people on the earth, according to them - gay people who give sweets to others. Oh dear!

The Prince Philip Movement (my personal favourite!)
Famous here for putting his foot in it, in another part of the world the Duke of Edinburgh is actually a divine being. To the Yaohnanen tribe on the island of Tanna, in Vanuatu, he - 'He', anyone? - is the son of a mountain spirit and a brother of John Frum (oh him, right!), some guy who was associated with cargo cults.

So next time you he's in the news for insulting deaf people or whatever, remember those words are gospel to others!

Which gets me thinking...
If you were to start your own religion, who or what would you worship? My friends will tell you I really have it bad for chocolate, so I think I'd have to pledge my allegiance to the Church of Cadburys. In fact, some might say I'm already there! 

You know what? Maybe I should. Enjoying chocolate wouldn't feel so sinful, then. Instead, I'd be just performing my religious duties. And whenever I was tempted to stray from the flock by dieting, one of the other followers could 'find' me again with a Caramel!

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves... I know a song that'll get on your nerves...

I love seeing how other human beings interact and what makes them tick. Finding out if I have anything in common with others around me. Hearing about their interests, what they they do for fun and what they do for a living. What experiences they've had in life... where they come from and where they've been. I love it all.

And I like discovering their personality traits. I love discovering other people's quirks. It's funny how we're all different and how random we can all be. So when someone voices a random displeasure, normally by saying something like 'Sorry, but it just bugs me' or 'Sorry, but I just can't stand them', they've no need to apologise really. Because I love it!

I have one friend, for instance, who suddenly becomes impatient when she travels by train. Everywhere else she's as calm as the day is long, but as soon as she steps on the train her mannerisms change. Oh the human psyche!

So, in no particular order, here are a few random things that irk me.

Two pound coins
Hate these little blighters. These loathsome bits of metal imposed themselves upon the British currency in 1998. Fourteen years later and I still can't stand them.

Living in a city where you always have to exactly the right money for the bus fare, the two pound coin is the most infuriating invention ever. Hate getting them back in my change when I've purposely spent money just to have a pound coin for the bus.  

Whoever invented the two pound coin is clearly not from Edinburgh. Or maybe he or she is driven by chauffeur and just wants to wind the rest of us up. They're doing a good job if that's the case.

High heels
Controversial, but I'm throwing it out there! The ladies want to look a little taller. Fair play. At 5 ft 6 in I can empathise with that. But at the same time, what possessed the inventor to design a shoe that hurts the wearer. All that pressure on the heels ain't good for the spine, and on nights out heels hurt, especially when you cut a few shapes (and probably the back of your heels along with them!).

One of the worst inventions of all time in my eyes. That said, people who can walk on stilts impress me! Go figure!

Hob Nobs
Now a lot of you may be wondering what I have against this seemingly innocent biscuit! Well, I don't particularly like the taste or texture. Hob Nobs don't have the courage of their convictions to be a flapjack, nor to be a chocolate digestive, so they just fob the eater off with something between the two. Such a cowardly biscuit and a fence-sitter if ever there was one!

Then there's the discussion they caused between workers in the staff canteen. When asked which was the better biscuit out of Hob Nobs or chocolate Digestives, the Hob Nob roundly trounced the poor choccie Digestive. Couldn't believe it! What kind of world do we live in when people prefer a biscuit that has an identity crisis hahaha!

Button-up flies
Up there with high heels as one of the worst inventions ever. I'm a zip man all the way! Many a time I've been caught short and, once I finally made it to the bathroom, had to fight it out with the buttons on my flies. Not yet embarrassed myself that way, but there have been a few close calls! Some people don't like lace-up shoes; I'm anti-button-up flies! Kids say no!

So there we have it, guys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Just a few of the daft little things that get under my skin! I'm not a fan of ranty blogs at all, but every now and then it's okay to have a rant, in my opinion, as long as you do it with humour. But be warned if you open a packet of Hob Nobs in front of me. It could all kick off haha! 

What are your daft pet hates? Go on. Spill 'em! You're not chicken, are you!