The Joy of Socks

We're now midway into November and Christmas is hurtling towards us. It's hurtling towards you and, if you're anything like me, loads of other useless Christmas shoppers!

Each year it gets that little bit harder to avoid buying the same thing for the same person two years running! I love to find something original for my friends and family if I can.

But some things you shouldn't feel bad about: giving someone the same gift two consecutive Christmases is one of them. It's definitely the thought that counts. And we'll always need socks!

Buy me book tokens, shower gel / aftershave sets or Christmas editions of my favourite sweets - those who know me also know the possibilities are endless! - and you'll hit the mark every time. I'll happily receive them till my dying day. Hopefully that particular moment is still some time away!

I've already started my Christmas shopping and this year I'm going about it differently! I'm buying something practical and something original for each person. Translation: a smellies set per person and a gift with that extra bit of thought gone into it. If I don't succeed with one I can't fail with the other - and if neither does the trick you can't say I didn't try!

I'll intersperse this all with afternoons in Costa café to keep myself sane come the Christmas hustle and bustle!

That's how I'll be playing St Nick. How about you? 

Oh and now you know what I like, you can't say you didn't know what to get me.

Why write?

Feeling reflexive lately (as I always do when Christmas is near!), I started thinking about why I write.

In fact I started thinking about anyone's reasons for putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard.

Here are some of my own. They could easily apply to you:

• Because we have something to say to the world. Not only that, we want to say it in the nicest, most effective way possible.

• Because we're dreamers, idealists and romantics. Writing is an escape from the everyday world. Why else would we create a different reality!

• Because we hurt and need to banish the pain from our system. I've written some of my most meaningful words while my life has gone through the grinder!

• Because it's in our nature to think about how the world turns... life... death... the way people are. Actually, if I say we think about everything, I can't fail to cover it.

At the start of 2011, I read a beautiful biography about Roald Dahl, the children's author. The bio told that he wrote for children more than for adults because he understood them better... got on with them better. 

So maybe writing is all about understanding the world and getting on with it. Perhaps we write not because we understand the world, but because we're still trying to figure it out. 

It's possible we don't even want to understand it, don't want to get along with it. That's sometimes the joy of writing!

What would your reason(s) be?

A Winter's Tale

Buy a good hat, a few thermal vests, a few fleeces and you'll be ready when winter comes calling, I guess. 

Whack on the heating for an hour, close the doors and wrap up well meanwhile. Turn it off an hour later, stay wrapped up and you won't feel the cold for most of the day indoors. You'll also keep your energy bill down slightly. Bonus!

Heat your room by putting plenty of candles in it. In the period dramas on TV they use them to provide light. It's only a few winters ago I realised they generate a surprising amount of heat too! Well, duh, I know, but still... you'll be surprised how much warmer you'll feel with a candle or two in the room. 

But be careful if you're having guests round: you don't want them to think you're luring them into some kind of love-nasium (whether this is your intention or not!)! Oh and you don't want to burn down your house, either! That won't keep you warm.

Foodwise, you can't beat a good old bowl of soup! Go for a thick soup, such as leek and potato. This will fill you up and, into the bargain, you can save yourself some money. Can't be bad!

Well, that's all the tips I can offer you at the moment, but I'm always on the lookout for new ones. What's your strategy? How do you brace yourself for this chilly season?

I'll get some soup warmed up for us while you ponder it over. Is leek and potato all right for you?

How customer service can make you a better person

I'm lucky enough to have two part-time jobs right now. One allows me to pen a few lines for a hotel company, which I enjoy. The other is in customer service, allowing me to meet and be myself with different people every shift, which I also enjoy. 

I smile and wish the good a safe journey home. I smile and wish the bad the same but throw an apology into the mix to ease their grievances. A kind smile goes a long way.

The job teaches values that could change the world and maybe ourselves if we tried a little harder. When a customer gets shirty I don't fly off the handle; instead I smile. When a customer gets impatient I smile and politely ask them to bear with me; then when I serve them I thank them for their patience. It goes a long way.

Being patient and tolerant at work, as well as being naturally pleasant, makes me more so outside of it. This is especially so when I'm in a queue and the customer in front of me is giving someone else some grief. And when I smile at my customers, they walk away - I hope - feeling better.

Maybe if we all worked in customer service we'd learn to be more tolerant, more compassionate and more patient and behave better towards others. Ultimately, we'd be more pleasant. 

Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world like that?

Most certainly. I can but dream though.

Betty II

It's been six months now since you left us, Nana. I miss you.

I know the spirits don't use the internet. That would be absurd. But I hope that if we do live on after we die, you'll somehow see this message.

I wanted to tell you I moved back to Edinburgh - your Edinburgh- and found a job. I love being back here and in work. I just wish it had all happened before you went away, so you'd know I was all right.

The other thing I wanted to say, Nana, is thank you again. I read your copy of The Whisperers, by John Connolly. I loved it and bought more of his books. He's one of my favourite authors now. 

In fact, I met him. He was signing his new book in Waterstone's, on Princes Street, and I bought a copy. I would never have been there if it wasn't for you.

With the copy I got a large sticker that said 'Tell them Charlie Parker sent you.' I will. And I'll do it with a smile.

But deep down, I'll know Elisabeth Mary 'Betty' Jones sent me.

Copywriting like the corners of your mind

Whether you're a writer or a reader, and whether it's a novel or a piece of copy, a piece of writing must get off to a good if not thunderous start. If it doesn't you can kiss your reader or potential customer goodbye.

So how do you do it? A book I read today advises starting from the middle instead of the beginning. Sound advice, says I! Deleting opening paragraphs tightens up copy. Sometimes it creates new angles to approach writing from. Power structures aren't only a political thing, you know!

But what if you could do it in life too? If you could start your life at any point, when would you choose?

For instance, would you go back to when you were five years old and starting school? Would you go back to teens with maybe memories of your first kiss?

Perhaps you'd just skip all that malarky and start in your adult years, maybe in your first job? Or even leapfrog all that and start when you're already doing well at work and have mouths to feed and bring up?

I think I'd start at the summer either side of my first year at uni. I couldn't fail to be happy back then. One because I was starting a new stage of my life, the other because I'd successfully completed the first year. I had a job that fed me and supported my studies. Good times.

Maybe even the best of times.

A Brand Too Far?

So they're thinking of renaming the Olympic Stadium the Ann Summers Stadium once 2012's Games are over. Not sure whether to laugh or cry!

Naming a sports stadium after a sex toy company. That's a first. Laughable to us but a marketing masterstroke for Ann Summers. Being a Newcastle United fan, I console myself that there'll now be a stadium with a ghastlier name than our former 'Sportsdirect.com@St James' Park Stadium'!

As I've said in earlier entries, I'm interested in advertising. I once read Naomi Klein's No Logo, a scathing attack on globalisation and corporate culture. In it she wrote how even people are becoming branded by having company logos etc. tattooed on themselves in return for scholarships or whatever. Extreme, yes, but what people do with their own body is their business.

That said, 'Ann Summers Stadium' is a step too far even for me. Change is good, there's no disputing that. But do we follow the money so much now that we'll just throw all integrity or self-respect outta the window?

After the impressively monumental fiasco with the tickets for the 2012 Games, I can see them in the meeting room: 

Okay, we've made a hash of the tickets, yes, but it's not too late to put things right if we can just come up with a good name for the stadium. Now, I had a call from Ann Summers and they suggested calling it the "Ann Summers Stadium". We've already stuffed up the tickets thingy, so I say "What the hell!" and just go with it anyway and make a big pile of money. In all fairness, it does have a kinda ring to it. So can I get a show of hands on 'Ann Summers Stadium'?... Ann Summers it is. You may go about your business.

And Britain, your cringing time starts... Now! Or laughter if you support Newcastle! Muahahahahaha!

'I just felt like... writing'

Ever seen Forrest Gump?

If you haven't, there's an inspiring scene where Forrest Gump (played by Tom Hanks) just gets up and starts running nonstop. Hair long and beard raggy, he runs nonstop from town to town to town. The people start to run with him just to see how his journey will end. 

Suddenly, he comes to a halt and just turns around to walk home. When asked what was the point of it all, he answers: 'I just felt like running.' Brilliant.

And that's how I'm feeling today. At odds with my own style and at a loss for a topic, after two weeks away from my blog and a few copywriting books later, I just felt like writing! 

Today I've freed my mind and recaptured my creative spark and spirit. Normal service will resume next week!

Let the good (writing) times roll once more.

Who's your copywriting mentor?

Like any doctor worth their salt reads the British Medical Journal, as an advertising enthusiast I read a lot about copywriting. 

Now I'm reading From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor, the inspiration behind Mad Men. Offensive title, I agree, but an interesting, gossipy insight into advertising's golden age. I've just read the chapter on 'killers' - that sounds self-explanatory, but is it what it seems? You'll have to read it yourself, just to check!

This is for entertainment, of course. But who's your copywriting author of choice? Like you'll find The Bible in many hotel rooms, all good advertisers have Ogilvy on Advertising on their bookshelf. May the Lord have mercy on your soul if not!

Is your mentor, perhaps, John Simmons? A titan in the writing for business world, with books like Twenty-Six Ways of Looking at a BlackBerry and The Invisible Grail, Mr Simmons shows us the power of creativity in copywriting.

Maybe you're a fan of Andy Maslen's slick, no-nonsense guides to copywriting? I know I am! I've learned some crucial tips on how to crispen up copy from Write to Sell. Thanks for those!

You'd also be right to be a fan of Roger Horberry's down-to-earth but engaging style. In Brilliant Copywriting, he gives a fine insight into how he tackles the different stages of the copywriting process. He also interviews copywriting's big hitters, who let us in on in how they got started. 'Tis is a most useful book!

So who's your copywriting mentor? I've learnt great things from all of these copywriters. Does that make me a polytheist (believer in many gods!) where copywriting is concerned?

Do roses have thorns, or Fridays are you in love?

Being a linguist as well as a copywriter, this morning I had a few songs from the Spanish-speaking world on my MP3. I was listening to Julieta Venegas, one of my favourite artists. Dearest Julieta was singing about how she was leaving to find a better love. And she knew the very kind she wanted too: 'the type that makes salt sweet and the sun come out'.

A lovely lyric from this Mexican heroine of the accordion, and one of the reasons I love her so much.

Having somewhat ecclectic tastes - or outright weird, some might say! - Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn came on a little later. Possibly one of the best rock ballads ever written, the song features heartbreaking lyrics such as:

Instead of making love, we both made our separate ways...

And now I have found somebody new...

And that I never meant that much to you...

To hear that tears me up inside... 

And to see you cuts me, like a knife... 

A few songs on and it was the turn of the Cure with their uncharacteristically happy Friday I'm in Love. Great song! How can you not love joy-joy lyrics including Thursday - never looking back, because Friday I'm in love... Dooey-dooey-doooo!

Which all brings me to the subject of today's entry: which type of feelings inspire the best lyrics? Do people who 've had their heart torn out and tossed into the grinder write better songs? Do the truly brilliant songs come from people who life has mercilessly chewed up, spat out and then spat on?

Or do they come from people who life smiles upon with unbridled happiness, instead? Maybe they come from happy-go-lucky types who fight for their dreams but, though they never come true, never lose hope either.

It's a tricky one. Probably best if I sit it out and let you decide! Whaddayasay?

An Alternative Guide if You're Thirsty for More

August is drawing to a close and so has the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. There are fewer and fewer plastic beer glasses on the streets... the tourists and dreadlocked street performers are all making their way home... and the posters are coming down.

The Fringe will melt away for another year until August 2012, which is when it happens all over again!

Call me premature, call me well organised... it's your shout, but after reflecting on the past month as an Edinburgh dweller, I thought I'd give you a short survival guide for next year's Fringe. Here's what you'll need:

• Patience - The streets are jam-packed with tourists at festival time. You can only put half a foot in front of the other without stepping on someone. The quick 5 to 10 minute bus journey may degenerate into a 30 minutes plus ordeal! So be patient.
• Adventurous spirit - Some of the best acts at the festival aren't always the most famous ones or ones that have been most promoted. Book a random show and you could be in for a pleasant surprise.
• iPod, MP3 and book - Entertainment kit for when you're stuck on the bus!
• Cheerful countenance and disposition - If you're not a laugher or a smiler, stay away, because the city doesn't want you! Eeeeverybody laughs and smiles in Edinburgh in August. You'll stick out like a sore thumb!
• Raincoat and suncream - The rain's been a pouring here this summer, but because people are of that cheerful disposition we talked about, they've neither noticed nor cared. When the sun gets out, it really gets out, but take a raincoat too and enjoy the best of both worlds!

And that's my alternative guide for enjoying the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 

Most of the items on the list are affordable. But if the iPod or the MP3 are over your budget, invest in a copy of War and Peace or the Lord of the Rings trilogy. You won't make it to the end of them while you're here. They're just for good measure!

That innocent way about them

If you asked my friend 'Who'd win in a techie war - Steve Jobs or God?' he'd answer 'Steve Jobs is God.' In a matter of seconds, your trick question would have backfired on you!

He loves all things Apple. Their 'his' brand and can do no wrong. I've got to admit they're pretty good!

When I'm not ensconced in a crime or spy novel, I read books on marketing and business for my work (copywriter). After reading A Book About innocent: Our Story, I think this quirky smoothy company is 'my' brand. (If you're thinking of starting your own business it's well worth a read.)

Why? Well, I love their values and principles, their interaction with their customers and their ethical way of running the business. Most of all, I love their creativity, warmth and sense of fun! And how can any copywriter not worth their salt dislike the copy on innocent labels! The drinks are non too bad either!

So yeah, innocent are my brand. Now grab a smoothy and tell me which is yours.

Looking for a fourth place?

Suppose you need a place where you want to avoid home life and work and don't want to spend money or interact in your third place. Where do you go?

The hopeless romantic in me would like to say the answer's written in the wind. But it ain't - it's written in cyberspace, a world in itself these days!

Just a few months ago, my friend sent me this truly wonderful link: http://www.panoramas.dk/index.html. It allows you to transport yourself to just about anywhere in the world - far beyond my third place, Costa cafe! - and enjoy a panoramic view of landmarks, big international events and other cool stuff. 

And you don't have to stop at a fourth place either. Treat yourself to a fifth, sixth or as many as you want! So far I've:

• stood at the top of Mount Everest
• attended a UN General Assembly
• marvelled at Machu Pichu
• been at the French presidential election 2007 (I think I got lost that time!)
• and received an audience with His Holiness the Dalai Lama (my personal favourite).

Other fourth places you can go to? Well, maybe you can take refuge in your dreams. They're always a welcome haven.

Or you can disappear into the shoulder of your partner. Your head will fit perfectly between their shoulder and neck. Then they can run their fingers through your hair, transporting you to anywhere but here. 

I'm single at the moment, so that'll be one panoramic walk along the Great Wall of China for me please, barman!

Where would you make your fourth place?

Three's Company, Two's a Crowd

Ever heard of the 'third place' concept? 

Apparently, home is our first place and the workplace is our second one. But more and more people these days are looking for a third place. This third place is public, encourages interaction and is our haven or sanctuary from home and working life. It can be a pub, coffee bar, park or anywhere else that feels like a mini escape. 

The other day I discovered I was one of those third-place seekers! Costa Cafe is fast becoming my own third place. For the past two weekends I've purposely headed to Costa from my flat (with my trusty backpack), and then eased myself into the couch with a coffee, a good book and not a care in the world. 

It's my third place in my first-class good times oh yeah!

Oh and not that I'm really looking, but this hopeless romantic has a sneaky feeling I'll meet a new flame in this third place of mine. Only time (and this blog!) will tell.

But that's enough about me! Do you have a third place, and if so, where? Hey, if it's nice enough I might even move in with you haha!

How to be good

Was just reading about the Scorpio star sign personality to see if I live up to the profile or not. Do I, you ask. Well, the answer is yes and no... Nes, you could say! 

Who am I?

Let's have some fun! Starting with the good news, Scorpios are:

• Dynamic
• Loyal
• Passionate
• Resourceful
• Observant

Dynamic? Well, one day I'll have chicken roll in my sandwiches, the next it'll be pork, the next it could be beef... I may even live on the edge and have chicken roll two days running or, get this, eat out at the Subway. You just can't tell with this Scorpio haha!

Loyal? Well, that is definitely true. If a person is kind to me I do try to return the favour, especially in my adulthood. I take their money, so it's only fair they get their coinage's worth out of me! Seriously though, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Passionate? I'm sure ex-girlfriends will confirm this is the case. Crushes I've stalked in the past - or, to use the Twitter euphemism, 'followed' (!) - will also testify in my favour! Oh come on... do I really look that depraved to you?

Resourceful? I think so. I started this blog on my own initiative. I freelanced for six years. I've studied a new trade. Apparently, Scorpios make superb doctors, surgeons, scientists or leaders. But you know me best. Would you trust me with a scalpel? Taxi!...

Observant? As a blogger I do my best. Put me in the witness box and I can't promise you'll get a 'Not guilty' verdict though!

Now for the bad news...

Like other signs, we Scorpios have our down side. Scorpios are also:

• Jealous
• Obsessive
• Suspicious
• Manipulative
• Unyielding

Apart from that, I'm a pretty nice guy! 

Do I get jealous? Nope! 'Tis the most ugly of feelings. Everyone deserves a time to shine, and eventually they get their chance.

Am I obsessive? Friends might say yes (yeah thanks a lot, guys, I must return the favour some day!). To my surprise, not one but three people made my sandwich at the Subway last week. When I went back, four people were in on the process. Cue productivity jokes and two weeks' worth of mileage out of them oh yeah!

Do I get suspicious? Where did you get that information from? From the Feds? Come to think of it, you've been acting really strange lately...

Manipulative? No, but I'll give you a tenner if you tell everyone about my blog. That's a joke!

Unyielding? I prefer determined, persevering or steadfast!!!

Cross-examination over!

Right, that's enough baring my soul for one entry! It's your turn to check out your zodiac profile. Do you match it, or is it all just a load of crystal balls to you? 

Maybe your own horoscope has come true. I'd love to hear about it. In fact, why am I asking these questions? I can already feel the answers in the air!...

The Company of Strangers

I remember when I first started this blog. In one post in particular I commented how train delays brought strangers closer together. Well, I'm feeling kinda daft today and I'm going to come back to it.

My question is, what is the funniest thing you would like to see happen between two strangers in everyday life?  Noticing how people sleep on the train from work, I'd love to see one stranger zonk out on a complete other stranger's shoulder next to them, cuddling up to them as they do it.

The sight of that would cheer me up after a hard day's work. The image of them both waking up and exchanging apologies or embarrassed smiles, or even laughing about it together... Yeah, that makes me laugh. Wouldn't it you?

I have to commute to work myself. So who knows... Maybe I'll meet my next partner that way. I'd have to be the sleeping one though. I don't see a working girl getting a comfortable hour's shuteye on my shoulders, the commuting equivalent of lumpy pillows!

Let Battle Commence!

Strangely philosophical, The Simpsons recently churned up the age old debate of religion v science.

I'm not a fan of religion (science can be cool though!) and the science v religion debate has seen better days. It's about time we had a new debate: Facebook v Twitter!

Which one do you think is better?

I've got two friends who say Twitter's where it's at now. On Twitter, users answer the question 'What are you doing now?' in short 'tweets' of 160 characters or less. The website's aim is to spread information and knowledge.

Facebook is for sharing photos with friends and family and writing messages. It's for a whole host of things, in fact! But if you don't have a Facebook account, don't feel so bad. There are still people out there rebelling against the 'Good Book'!!

I have to admit: I luuuuurve Facebook! I enjoy writing cheerful and cheeky messages on friends' 'walls'; I enjoy seeing their photos; I like to be back in touch with people and see where life did or didn't take them.

Not as big a fan of Twitter, but I am gradually getting into it: though sometimes the retweets drive me spare!

So there you go, I've sworn my allegiance to Facebook. If you could use just one network for the rest of your life, which one would you go for?

Tell me which and why - in less than 160 characters, of course! Oh and while I'm here, may I just wish my friend and flatmate 'Happy birthday!' (17 characters!).

Sad Songs Say So Much

Had my radio on last night while I did a bit of Facebooking. As my fingers danced over the keyboard (!), the singer crooned one of the best lyrics I've heard in a while: 'the most beautiful pain in the world' - referring to love, of course, what else!.

I couldn't agree more. In an earlier entry I'd wrote something similar: of unrequited love being just as sweet and as fun. I stand by it. And I'm pleased that someone out there is on the same wavelength as me - even if they are doing it for money haha!

So today I'd like to ask, what's the best song lyric you've heard recently? Or is there one you've always liked and want to share with me? Please do. I might check out some of these songs later.

A Few to Get You Thinking

Here are a few I've always liked or that have come into my head lately. See if you can guess which songs they come from:

(1) Lovers always come and lovers always go 

     And no one's really sure of letting go today

     Walking away...

(2) It's been 10 years or maybe more since I first laid eyes on you

     The best years of my life go by

     Here I am alone and blue...

(3) I know all kinds of shoes have been under your bed

     Now I sleep with my boots on

     But you're still in my head...

(4) You ask me if I've known love

     And what it's like to sings in the rain
     Well, I've seen love come
     And I've seen it shot down
     I've seen it die in vain...

These are just a few personal favourites. I could go on forever. Actually, if I run out of ideas, maybe I'll give you another dose of this in my next entry as well haha!

If you've not guessed them all, here's a video to give you a hand. And if you've still not got them, the answers are underneath:

1. November Rain - Guns 'N' Roses; 2. Heartbreaker - Led Zeppelin; 3. Hole in my Soul - Aerosmith; 4. Blaze of Glory - Jon Bon Jovi

The Everyday Loves You!

On my way to work I dropped into the baker's for some breakfast. I'm partial to doughnuts and cakes that have custard fillings, but, alas, there were none. So I plumped for a fudge doughnut instead.

Imagine my surprise, nay delight (!) when custard oozed out of it. Fate was on my side, for it dribbled down my cleanly shaven chin but mercifully avoided my neatly ironed shirt! It was a such a sweet yet simple surprise - and what a start to the day, too!

Sometimes we lead such busy lives that we forget that the everyday is full of these little pleasures. With bills to pay, kids to raise or studies to complete, we sometimes miss them. What's yours?

Perhaps it's:

• a hot cup of coffee on a cold winter's morning
• heading to bed after a hard day's work
• checking your bank account on pay day
• finishing one good book and starting the next one
• a hug from a loved one (I strongly endorse this one!). 

My unguilty pleasure:

I hinted at it earlier on: I love being showered and clean shaven. Nothing beats it! The warm water all over my body... the scent of my skin after I've washed the shower gel off... then the smoothness of my skin shaved down to the bone, and the fragrance of my favourite aftershave on it afterwards.

Looking sharp and feeling ready to take on whatever the day throws at me. Ooooh yeah!

What a Feeling!

Can you remember your first day at work and how you felt?

Tomorrow is my first day with the company and I'm rearing to explode out of the starting blocks. I have several songs in my heart - to go with the usual spring in my step- and bucketloads of enthusiasm. I feel great.

But what's the greatest feeling in the world for you? 

A few weeks ago at a barbecue, a friend was telling me that becoming a father was the best feeling in the world.

Of course, there are so many other good feelings out there, as well:

• Success - the feeling of being the best
• Love - can anything compare to being somebody else's world? Or even to just having such pleasant feelings for someone else?
• Laughter - is there anything else like sharing good times with friends and family, knowing you'll look back on those moments and cherish them forever?
• Exercise - healthy body, healthy mind! 
• Warmth - is there anything better than sitting in front of a fire or with a steaming hot cup of tea on a cold winter's evening?

For me, love comes storming in at number one. There's nothing like that feeling of flying... of waking up with warmth in my soul. But even if the feeling isn't mutual, I still enjoy it: unrequited love can be just as sweet, you know! 

Maybe some other feeling tops all this for you? If so, you're welcome to share your good vibrations with me! 

PS. I'm not a love junkie!

Fast Mover

Boxes...
Clothes...
Nik naks...
Cases...
Pictures...
Bedding...
Books...

Right in the middle of a move to Scotland and I'm surrounded by all of the above. My hair is looking slightly ruffled! No matter how neatly I pack everything, I always seem to need another box!

Always have done, always will!

Yet have you noticed that women are so much better at packing than men? Why is that? What is their secret?

As well as being universally born with natural rhythm, they all seem to excel at packing. If there was a national packing championship - and I'll bet money that there is one somewhere - they'd wipe the floor with men!  

My theory:
It's because men ain't too great at other essential chores in the packing mix:

• Folding - men can fold and fold and fold till the cows come home, but our shirts and trousers will still always look like something from out of an Origami for Beginners activity book
• Ironing - some men iron better than others, true. Generally, though, they always look as if they've ironed them with a sledgehammer. And some men iron their clothes while still wearing them, therefore burning the clothes and themselves into the bargain. Ouch! Oh yeah... on top of it, it takes them a century to do so, as well!
• Efficient use of space - ever seen inside a woman's handbag? Car and house keys, lipsticks, eyeliners, brushes, purse, mobile, sunglasses, the odd diary. They get the kitchen sink in there and then some! Men don't get so much practice at it, but hopefully the manbag will remedy this!  

So if you want to shine when it comes to packing, maybe the answer is to sharpen up your ironing, folding and storage skills. 

At the most, you'll impress the lady in your life, or who you want to be in it. At the least, you'll restore their faith in men!

The Great Kiss Off

Did you feel lots of love in the air yesterday, but don't know why? 

Well, that's because it was National Kissing Day. Millions of lucky Brits -no, that's not a euphemism!- locked lips for the occasion! Either with a loved one or with a complete stranger - people are less fussy these days!

Now you're in on the secret, who would you have puckered up to? Don't be shy... even humble bloggers like me can keep a secret! She or he can be famous or they can be the girl/guy next door. It's your fantasy, so you decide!

I always find funny women attractive so, celeb-wise, I have a raging soft spot for Jennifer Anniston (back in her later Friends days!) and Lauren Laverne. As a northern boy like me would say: they're class!  

On a non-celeb level and every bit as elegant, there is a girl I'd have liked to whip out the mistletoe half a year early for (and happily leave it hanging there!). But now's not the time and she'll probably be the one that got away.
 

In the meantime, I'll thank the world for my marvellous family and friends, good health and my job. I'm a single guy.

For all of that I can kiss Life!

A Little Help with your Search...

Ever woke up and thought: What's it all about? What are we doing here? Or even just been stuck in a traffic jam or supermarket queue and asked yourself it?

Sure you have! And you're not the only one. Philosophers have been pondering this little teaser since Ancient Greek times (though not in rush hour traffic or the nightmarish queue in Morrison's on Christmas Eve, admittedly!).

Here are some of their solutions:

• To pursue good
• To become virtuous
• To be happy
• To achieve self-fulfilment.

Your trusty blog-losopher, however, begs to differ with Socrates, Kant and friends! Although if intellectual push came to shove, they'd punch me out before I'd even passed back the spit bucket! 

The real answer:  

A mountain in southern Chile



Waterfall at Iguazu, Argentina



A breathtaking view of Bariloche, the lake zone

Glacier in El Calafate, Argentina

These are just a few of my pics from a truly marvellous trip to Argentina, plus a cheeky two days in southern Chile as well. The world is full of magnificent sights like these and we've been put on this earth to see them!

That's what it's all about for me. Sometimes life can be so simple!

And for you?

L-O-V-E Spells Coincidence!

Have you ever seen that film High Fidelity? The one where John Cusack meets up with his ex-girlfriends to find out where he went wrong with them, why his relationships keep breaking down.

I'm sure we all have reflexive moments like this from time to time. Not so much stalking our ex-girlfriends, no, but maybe just a moment in the day, week or month when you think about the past... try to learn from it. In fact, I've just got an email from a friend who was doing this in their message. 

Just yesterday evening, I was thinking about loves I've won, lost and never enjoyed in return, when I came to a curious and equally random conclusion: the name of nearly every woman I've been attracted to begins with either M or L!

Only three haven't. Even then, two of those have both begun with C (the other was an A), so maybe I can throw this into the mix as well!

I love a woman with dark hair and a sense of humour. But if you like the cut of my jib and have neither of them, or just one, fear not. According to life's plan, love may still blossom as long as your name begins with L or M! And you can just imagine what L and M in the same name would do to me! (LM or ML, I'm not fussy!)

Okay, so it's all coincidence and I'm just having some fun with this post, true as it is. But I'd love to hear the amusing coincidences (unless you consider this post completely sad!) you've identified in your own life.

I'm going to leave you with one-hit wonder Lou Vega while you have a little think. He likes a little bit of... Well, enjoy the track and see for yourself! What did her say her name was again?

Any Last Requests?

The great British barbecue, that most quintessential summer past time: that's what I was up to yesterday! The weather was glorious, the company was superb and the food and entertainment were both terrific. The hosts then rounded off the day with a camp fire. Beautiful! 

As the fire crackled away, my friend said she could happily stay there forever. By jove, she's right, I thought, I could too! I'd been stood there for nearly two hours and only stepped away for firewood.

Then I mused to myself: If I had to do an activity for the rest of my life and could only choose one, what would it be? Imagine I could do something I really enjoy and not suffer any consequences. What would I go for?  

Being an absolute sucker for a barbecue, I'd plump for an eternal dose of juicy burgers, sizzling sausages and succulent steaks. Mmmmm... de-lish! I'd love feasting like that with my friends and family, enjoying the vibe and not having to worry about all that saturated fat!

So there you go. That's my 'last request'. What would yours be?

Or are you already licking your lips at this like I am!

Like a Box of Chocolates

Was just browsing on Facebook last night when I saw some friends had joined one of those little 'statement-type' groups on there. You know, the kind with sentimental statements about broken hearts or trust or friendship, or with a cool or amusing line as the title. 

'I Wish Music Played During Epic Moments of my Life and Not Just in Movies' - that was one of the groups I was in. The title made me smile, though later on I deleted it - not my smile (that always stays on!)! There are only so many meaningless updates I can handle on my News Feed.

But it got me thinking: if you had to choose a soundtrack to your life, what would it be? What song would go perfect with your life? 

Something cheerful, like Walking on Sunshine, or something sadder, such as I Don't Want to Talk About It? Or would something more dramatic fit the bill, say Carmina Burana (that epic song from the 80s Old Spice ad!)? You may even be a bit of a hellraiser and want a little Born to Be Wild to go with your rebellious ways! 

Perhaps you're a happy-go-lucky person and something relaxed and cheerful would be more up your street. Soul Man? Or do you have some yearning ambition or dream still to live or fulfil? In that case, a little Born to Run might be more to your taste. Suits you, sir!

I'd love to hear what you'd have on your own personal musicography, and why. Maybe you know me personally and have a few suggestions for mine. If so, go easy on the why, yeah! What with the truth hurting and all that jazz hahaha!

I Don't Care What the Weatherman Says... If the Weatherman Says It's Raining

Come the sunny weather, the first thing I want to do is whip on my T-shirt and shorts, get out there, and let me and my moobs and muffin-top enjoy the glorious sunshine! I want to zip out for a stroll along the seafront, stop off for a 99, and then revel in the warmth some more.

(Of course, before doing all that, I slap on a bucket of sun cream.)

But come the wet and windy weather, my dressing gown and slippers go on, as does the kettle. Then I'll maybe hop into bed and let a good book do the rest. What else can I do?

On second thoughts, though, rainy days do have a purpose. They're Nature's way of making you clean out a cupboard, tidy your room, do homework or some other long overdue task. They're the chance to do everything you've been putting off because the weather has been so damned good!

Capitalising on your rainy day gives you such a boost. Then when the ole currant bun (sun!) comes back out to play, you can slip into your summer gear without that nagging voice in your head saying, 'You're gonna have to do it sooner or later.' 

So whatever it is you've gotta do, now's the time to do it. Then you can truly always take the weather with you!

'Gone Fishing'

Addressing you today, my dear reader, as a copywriter. I picked up a terrific tip from the copywriting e-zine The Writer and decided to pass it on.

This article was about the power of the 'Out of Office' reply and it hit the nail bang on the nut. I'd never thought about it before but, yeah, the automatic reply is a great opportunity to sell both your service and yourself. An absolute corker, in fact! 

Instead of putting 'Currently out of the office on business. Will be back on blah blah...', go for something that's witty, chirpier or shows a touch of character. You could tell the client about:

• how you're on holiday strolling round in a loud shirt
• how you're sitting in the dentist's chair hoping you'll still come out with all your teeth
• how you're in the doctor's waiting room and are onto your tenth issue of Bella.

Personality is a vital part of copywriting. Cliches and stock phrases assassinate copy whereas a sprinkle of personality brings it to life. It makes the copy fresh and invigorating while still gunning for its main objective: to sell or persuade.

But remember to include the number and/or email of the person assigned to solve your client's particular pickle while you're away. If not, you could come across as a bit of a joker. You're still still trying to do business, don't forget!

'I Bet They'd Scrub Up Nicely'

Gotta tell you about another smashing book I'm reading at the moment, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol.

Warhol's journey into his own mind is inspiring reading. Both entertaining and profound, there are some truly thought-provoking passages in the book. One of my favourites is this paragraph on work: 

The President has so much publicity potential that hasn't been exploited. He should just sit down one day and make a list of all the things that people are embarrassed to do that they shouldn't be embarrassed to do, and then do them all on television.

What a splendid idea! All we have heard in the UK this year is 'cuts', 'cuts' and 'cuts' again. To see the coalition scrubbing a few toilets (cleaning toilets being Warhol's original example) would do us the world of good, especially at a time like this.

Oh the sight of Clegg and Cameron with their marigolds on - blue for Cammo, red for Cleggy - laughing and smiling like a newly wed couple, as they always do! If you've lost your job during the crisis, you'll probably feel right as rain after seeing them on their knees too.

Come on, lads. Do it for Britain. After all, you do really love us, don't you?

Dry Your Eyes, Mate

Anyone out there feeling low or a little blue? 

Well, if you are, you might want to try a wonderful book called The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin (http://www.happiness-project.com/). 

This charming little book is helping me to understand some of the disappointment and unhappiness in my life and cope with it better. 

One part I've particularly enjoyed is the 'Enjoy the Fun of Failure' section in the 'March' chapter on work. In it, Gretchen recounts how her fear of failure had stood between her and success. She highlights how she had had articles rejected, ideas turned down and work criticised.

Promisingly, she shows us that failure doesn't have to be bad. Instead of losing hope, Gretchen overcame her fear of rejection and, by by doing so, created new opportunities for herself.

I've applied for several jobs now and not been able to bring home the bacon, but I know I will do some day. 'Enjoy the Fun of Failure' has taught me to see disappointment differently:

• Every application is an opportunity, or may lead to one elsewhere
• Every problem is a chance to test your limitations
• Rejection is a chance to learn something new - about yourself or about someone or something else.

So I'll keep on applying until someone utters those magical words: 'You're hired!' Sometime soon, hopefully! Meanwhile, I'm off to roller-blade away my latest disappointment!

Bring on the next one!

What Rollerblading Has Taught Me About Life

Putting a fall before my pride, at long last I've strapped on my helmet and protective pads and took to my rollerblades. Righteous, dude...!

I'd love to say I was at one with my blades, gliding gracefully up and down the street, the blades just an extension of myself -- but I wasn't and they weren't. There, in the stillness of the street, I schmoozled along... rollerblading's equivalent of a tractor on a country lane. 

Thankfully the street itself isn't too wide, so I didn't cause any tailbacks. Cars drove past me without me falling over, kids zipped past me on their bikes and scooters, and people no doubt sniggered as they disappeared into the Redcar sunset.

But who cares? Not me. Ever persevering and ever so slightly, I'm starting to get the hang of it. Not that I can hit Redcar's pathways for a while yet, but practice will one day catapult me something above mediocre!

Meanwhile, not only am I learning how to use the blades. In the process, I'm learning not to care about:

• if others think the worst - let them mock or criticise if they wish...
• the time factor - all good things will come eventually
• the age factor - you're never too old. 

Out there on my blades, I'm loving the experience, the learning, and I'm getting some much needed exercise. Never mind the X Factor: I've got the feel good factor! I feel alive!  

If you're in the 'I'd love to try that some day' predicament, act now instead of waiting for 'someday'. I wholeheartedly recommend it. 

Why wait any longer to hit that high?

We're Gonna Be Elected

Just when I thought this blog was about to go bare today, somebody dropped some inspiration through my letterbox: a campaign letter for the local elections! Hurrah!

The election campaign is in full swing and the parties are out canvassing. Labour were the first to hear what I thought: that getting through my Cracker box set that Saturday afternoon was more important to me! 

Being a specialist in marketing texts, I welcomed this charming little leaflet which was offering me a free lesson in persuasive writing. In trying to win my vote it showed me a few do's and don't's.

Brownie points go to it for:

• Homing in on people's main reasons to vote against other local parties. Some research has led to some decent copy.
• Giving facts and figures.
• Asking questions
• Using simple language. There are some gorgeous phrases in there!

However, it gets parking tickets for:

• 'Knocking' copy - though it's (rightly) taking a pop at other parties, it's also giving them free publicity.
• A lack of anticipation - voters are cynical. Copy must address all possible objections.
• Slightly sloppy punctuation - sometimes the rules can be ignored, others they can't. Funny old game is writing, innit!

Though this leaflet hasn't won my vote, it's certainly done my writing some good. The others will as well.

So hey, parties might not have figured out their purpose yet, but maybe they can still serve us. I just hope their election leaflets and letters are being printed on recycled paper though...

Communication Breakdown!

Wouldn't it be cool if animals could talk?

I say this after two weeks with my brother-in-law's adorable King Charles spaniel. I admit I've grown slightly attached to the little lady.

This is odd coming from me. I'm not even a remotely doggy person and, unfortunately, I have a wariness of man's best friend that causes me to misunderstand them.

When I'm putting my arms to stop the dog from jumping up, poor old Fido is thinking 'Playtime!'. If it playfully bares its fangs, I start thinking which songs I'd like played at my funeral (so far on the play list I have 'Hotel California' by the Eagles!).

The other problem is I can't tell if a dog is:

• hungry?
• desperate for walkies?
• dying for the loo?
• something else?

So when the dog looks at me with big brown eyes, saying I could murder some Pedigree Chum. Be a love and put some in a dish for me, would you?, I fasten the dog's lead to its collar and out we go.

If animals could talk, that would be awesome. Dogs could then reassure me: 'Calm down, mate. I'm not gonna hurt you', or 'If you don't let me out right now, it's gonna get messy in here.'

Seagulls and pigeons could warn us before dropping their splatter bombs: 'Lady, watch out!'

Just imagine the sea creatures... 

Great whites could apologise to divers: 'Sorry... My mistake. Thought you were a seal. Actually, you haven't seen any round here, have you? I'm starving'... 

Jellyfish could let us know where they were before we stepped on them: 'Mind your feet to the left or you'll get a nasty sting'...

Or seals might want to work together with us: 'If you see anything you think might be a shark, let me know so I can swim to shore.'

There's a dog barking out the back. I think he wants me to stop gossiping about his friends. Or maybe to put the kettle on... Who knows.

Until next time, then!

Olden Goldies!

Are you struggling to get into today's music as much as I am?

The last good thing I heard was probably 'Cigarettes in the Theatre' by Two Door Cinema Club. That's about as 'with it' as I get when it comes to music. Hell, even now I sound like I'm punching above my weight (roughly 11.5st)!

If it's not a synthesiser-heavy classic from the 80s, 90s or early noughties, or not sung by a rocker with a mullet, I feel like I've been woken up by a fire alarm in the middle of the night. Which happened a fair few times in my first year at uni, incidentally!

But what I'd really like to ask you, though, is if there's a song that brings back a particular memory for you. Perhaps there's one from your childhood, teens or early adulthood that, for some reason, you can't get out of your head lately?

For me, it's 'What's Up?', by 4 Non-Blondes. Takes me back to one summer in particular, and it always seemed to be playing somewhere in the background. I was twelve years old at the time: I wore a shell suit and side spike. I still had a lot to learn about fashion...

Me and mates, we'd head down to the 'Tarzi' on our bikes and take turns to swing around on it above the beck (or 'stream' in non-Northerner speak). The rest of us, we'd all stand watching with baited breath to see if the rope snapped. I'm sure deep down someone was hoping it would snap on me (but it never did, so ha!) !

I think I'm gonna go out for a walk now - just down Memory Lane, though. So I'll leave you with my four brunettes from yesteryear for company.

What Did You Just Call Me?

'I will hate you till the day I die and wish you nothing but ill will in every career move you make. I will be watching with interest and schadenfreude.'

This gloriously hateful line was allegedly posted online by Alain de Botton after a scathing review of his latest book at the time The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work.

Coming from such a serene thinker, t'is most unusual. Normally, Big Al shows us how philosophy can help us deal with this kind of thing ... illustrates how it can make our lives easier. That's why his work is so refreshing - and why the comment above is so surprising. 

But if you were a writer and had been on the end of a jolly rotten review, how would you have dealt with it?

Going back, there used to be a time when harsh words hurt me. Now I just take them on the chin instead. Picture Robocop marching down a street, all the bullets richocheting off his armour, ping after ping. I try to be like that.

With plasters, bandages and Surgical Spirit all at the ready, I willfully accept any criticism of this blog. Be as cutting or as gentle as you like. Then I can get my trusty writer's toolbox out afterwards and give it a damned good tweaking for the better!

I reckon writers should take a leaf out of my book, or page out of my website as it were, and use negative feedback to make them stronger.

They say the truth hurts.

Yet at the same time, they also say it sets you free.

I know which one I prefer!

Feed my Frankenstein!

A good Friday afternoon to you!

Today I'd like to go back to that old chestnut of inspiration (or bang on about it some more, if you prefer!)

But this time it's you I want to inspire me.

Normally I get my fodder for this beloved blog of mine from:

• the news
• anecdotes and experiences from everyday life
• random comments from others
• blogs
• anything else that makes pucker online tucker.

Fine and dandy as they are, I'd love to know the things you like to read. What would you like me to write about? 

Here are a few questions to get you thinking:

• Do you like the current light-hearted approach, or would you prefer something more serious?
• Do you like the topics so far?
• Do I sound too much like I'm preaching from a soapbox, or is it okay for me to exorcise a few demons once in a while?
• What about the writing - is it stale and in need of livening up a bit, or do you find it fresh, crisp and uplifting?
• How can I make it better?  

I'm a fan of storytelling, myself, so I look for a balance between topical or reflexive and light-hearted, enjoyable and, of course, original (how original!).

I want this blog to be as fun for you to read as it is for me to write. If I have my wicked way, you'll be itching to read the next entry!

So I'll appreciate any feedback - good or bad- you can give me on this Frankenstein of mine.

I'll just go and check on the oven, in the meantime ....

Mommy, They're Here?

Remember this: 'They're here'?
  
That was the 1980s and from those rocking Poltergeist films of course.

But in 2011, a family in Coventry has now told ITN news they're living in a house haunted by a poltergeist, having noticed these eery phenomena happening in it:

• pots moving (yikes!)
• lights turning on and off (crikey!)
• drawers shutting (Mary, mother of God!)
• doors slamming shut (somebody call an exorcist!).

The poltergeist has even been accused of murder. A veterinary postmortem implied the family dog died because it was pushed down the stairs.

A medium has confirmed the presence of the poltergeist, and a priest has advised them not to stay (hey, I bet they never thought of that!). Scared out of their wits, the family have had an exorcist round to drive out the 'geist.

A spokeswoman from Bridge Group Ltd stated that previous tenants in the flat had not reported any similar problems. But let's face it ...If there had been, they were hardly going to tell prospective tenants, were they?

...Oh yeah, by the way, some of your pots might go floating across the room on an evening ...and the odd door might slam from time to time, but really, you're gonna love this place!

Possible?

Well, desperate to prove they're no double-yolkers, the family earnestly recorded a few of these incidents on camera.

Judge for yourself:


Have to admit it seems like something of a wind-up!

Seriously ...The floor is out of shot. It doesn't take a special FX guru to hook up an ultra-fine thread - virtually invisible to the camera - and pull the door open or the chair across the floor (I once had a toy that worked like that!). And wasn't that camera was conveniently placed!

But more generally, do you believe there's actually something out there; that there are forces from a world we can't explain?

Or is it simply because scientists haven't barked up the right tree yet, and that one day they'll discover a new magnetic force, type of electron or something that causes this stuff to happen?

Either way, these things are still gonna freak us out until we find a solid explanation for what's behind it all.

In the meantime, though, it's great 'sleepover party'  material, not to mention good for... Hey, did anybody hear something just then?

Source: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/38/20110329/tod-family-captures-poltergeist-on-film-045b8e8.html

Fashion Industry for Pounding from Rocky and Rambo

So Sly Stallone is bringing out his own line of clothing. Well, it certainly beats bringing out your own clothesline!

Based on good ole Rocky and Rambo, the line will contain 'looks for the rebel and the gentleman', says their designer. Great! People were getting tired of the Officer and a Gentleman one, anyway!

Imagine the fun the advertisers will have coming up with names for the items and the line. Picture all those puns zipping back and forth in brainstorming sessions.

But you know what? Why should I let them have all the fun?

Here are a few suggestions of my own: 

Autumn/winter range:
'Clubber Longjohns' (in Apollo Cream colour)
'G.I.jamas' nightwear (in either First Blood red or Guerrilla Green)
'Balboa' boots
'Underdog' dressing gown (black with a challenger-yellow lining).

Spring/summer range:
'Final Bell' flip-flops
'Right hook' hooded tops
'Eye of the Tiger' T-shirts
'Victory' vests
'Survivor' sunglasses
And last but not least, of course: 'Adrian' ascot ties!

(I admit I had to graft for that last one!)

I'm a bit short on Rambo ones, it's fair to say! Do you have any suggestions you could add to the list?

But no aftershaves, please. We already have plenty of smellies, or rather stinkers, from Beckham, Britney, J-Lo and the likes.

Besides, 'Heavyweight Champ' is far too obvious!

Viva la Originality!

'Don't be a raincloud just because you can't be a star.'

This cheerful little phrase is my mantra. I've no wish to infect others with my own despair!

That inspires me. Now it's your turn. 

Is there some ingot of wisdom in particular, or maybe a story or experience, that makes you tick? Or is there something else that keeps the glint in your eye?

As a blogger and copywriter, I constantly have my eyes peeled (ouch!) for things that will trigger an intriguing blog article or generate a fresh, engaging piece of copy.

Just yesterday I was reading an interview with Will Awdry, the creative director of the London branch of Ogilvy, the advertising agency. Mid-way through the interview, he said the most marvellous thing:

'Originality is never dead.' 

That's a gift of a quote for creative people! I liked it so much that I jotted it down in case it ever comes in handy for a work project.

In fact, a lot of people could apply Awdry's quote to their lives too. For if you've never been able to settle or find what you're looking for in life, the world will always have something new for you to discover.

But fall out of love with the world?

Not on your life! I've got originality to find!