I'm a Christmas Shopper, Get Me Out of Here!

'Tis the season of bah humbug, 'twould appear. Always makes me laugh how grumpy people get toward Christmas. Seems to be becoming an annual pain in the proverbial for some - up there with filling in tax returns and spring cleaning. 

But soon Christmas Eve arrives and it's marvellous. Getting together with your mates, having a few beers and a laugh, and collectively hoping you can manage Christmas dinner the next day (yes, you will, you always have done). 

You make it to Christmas Day and, again, it's magical. Gorging on turkey and Quality Street, opening presents with family and seeing the delight / disappointment on their faces at your amazing/awful gift, and laughing at near-the-knuckle innuendos with words like 'giblets' and 'stuffing'. All in a nice warm sitting room. Lovely! 

Then there's Boxing Day for the post-Christmas Day hangover. Not me. I stay fresh. Second day of turkey and on to selection box number two already, and finding ways to pack up my presents for heading back up to bonny Scotland.  

Storm Before the Calm

But before all that, you have to get your presents. Last year I proposed the strategy of buying something practical plus a gift card for a win-win situation. It worked!

This year I'm wondering, what's the best way to do your Christmas shopping? Bit by bit, a big push in the final week or online?

Option A: Here a bit, there a bit

My own personal 'preference'. Wrap up warm and hit the high street, a little each time! 

The pros:

• I always come back with something nice for myself too
• I treat myself to lunch or a two-hour coffee break for all my hard graft
• I can see what I'm buying
• I get to laugh at other people getting grumpy. Heard several people dropping the F-bomb today!       

The cons:

• Queues
• Lots of pushing
• Having to dodge all kinds of chuggers, brass bands and what not on the main streets, in shop doorways, etc.

Option B: The Massive Push

Some people's preferred option is to do it all in one foul sweep the night before Christmas. I salute them!

The pros:

• More free time for you
• Getting it all done in the aforementioned foul swoop!

The cons:

• Higher stress levels
• Still have to cope with queues and people pushing
• Still have to avoid chuggers, brass bands and all other what not on main streets, in shop doorways, etc.

Option C: The Safe Haven of Amazon

Some people opt of the stress-free environment of Amazon and other online stores. Liking those apples!

The pros:

• Sometimes cheaper
• Avoids crowds, queues and chuggers, or even crowds of chuggers!
• Less hassle

The cons

• Pray the online company delivers on time
• You don't see what you buy until it arrives
• You can't laugh at other people getting highly strung over Christmas!

Just a few things to ponder for drawing up your plan of (no) action for Christmas shopping. 

Whichever you choose, though, just enjoy the smile on the recipient's face when they open your present. Resist the urge to say 'I went through hell to get that!'. Who knows? They might have been to hell AND back for yours!

Phyllis

I read a while back that there's no such thing as ghosts. It's funny how fiction can also contain elements of reality. 

This was in one of my beloved detective novels, of all things. In it, the main character comments that ghosts come from within. He feels they're a product of our fears, our worries or our sufferings, and our mind creates them to comfort us. 

It makes me wonder about a dream I had recently about you, Nana. You were in it, certainly. But were you in the room with me too? I dreamed you were hugging me. I could even feel something holding me.  

I even thought I saw you. The person in the dream - it was Edna - told me that the noises I could hear while I was sleeping were coming from you as you tidied my room. Why you were tidying my room, I don't know, but I didn't mind. I opened my eyes for a split second, but I don't know if this was in the dream or in real life, and there you were, making a right old racket. You were wearing your lilac outfit. 

I was in such a deep sleep I can't be sure, so maybe it was all just a pleasantly lucid dream.  But it's the second time I've had such a dream and felt you were there. Do you come to see me? Are you watching over me? 

I hope so. I wish I could see you.

How I wish I could see you and know that the novel is wrong.I guess I'll never.

Unlosing my Religion

If I say name two religions, the first two that pop into your head are probably Christianity and Islam. 

But apparently, there are over 10,000 separate religions, according to Microtrends, a smashing book I'm reading at the moment. This was at the time of writing, so you can be sure this number has risen by several thousand since then. 

Use the Force
The thing I found most interesting in all of this is that research shows two or three new religions are being created every day. Delightful! People are actually creating their own religions!

One that springs to mind immediately, of course, is the Jedi Faith. If you thought Brighton was just home to a thriving gay community, think again. Visit the Jedi Church website (www.jedichurch.org) and you'll find that 2% of Brighton's population believe in the Force.

So for a bit of fun, I typed in the search terms "weird religions", "strange religions" and "quirky religions" on Google. (Some people steal cars for fun, some do drugs... Me? I google stuff!) 

Here are a few I found. After reading some of these, you can't help but thank some divine being or other for free speech!

Apatheism
Or the religion of not giving a monkey's whether God exists or not, in other words! If God walked into an apatheist's house, looking to make a big entrance, and rustled up a spaghetti bolognese for them, the only reaction He'd get is 'Hmmmm, nice but could have done with a little more tomato in the sauce.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monsters (Pastafarianism)
Officially registered, this strange religion believes the Flying Spaghetti Monster, working alongside pirates, brought the good there is on Earth. Their explanation for why the world is in moral decay - there's not enough pirates! The most evil people on the earth, according to them - gay people who give sweets to others. Oh dear!

The Prince Philip Movement (my personal favourite!)
Famous here for putting his foot in it, in another part of the world the Duke of Edinburgh is actually a divine being. To the Yaohnanen tribe on the island of Tanna, in Vanuatu, he - 'He', anyone? - is the son of a mountain spirit and a brother of John Frum (oh him, right!), some guy who was associated with cargo cults.

So next time you he's in the news for insulting deaf people or whatever, remember those words are gospel to others!

Which gets me thinking...
If you were to start your own religion, who or what would you worship? My friends will tell you I really have it bad for chocolate, so I think I'd have to pledge my allegiance to the Church of Cadburys. In fact, some might say I'm already there! 

You know what? Maybe I should. Enjoying chocolate wouldn't feel so sinful, then. Instead, I'd be just performing my religious duties. And whenever I was tempted to stray from the flock by dieting, one of the other followers could 'find' me again with a Caramel!