Saturday, 22 September 2012

All the nice ones are taken!

All the nice ones are taken, aren't they! Life gives some other young stallion the good fortune to meet (and hook up with or marry) that one person who really lights your fire. It amuses itself by giving you a good, hard kick in the nuts like that!

Of course, you don't always instantly know the object of your affections is attached. How many times have you asked someone out but been shot down in flames with a 'Sorry, but I'm already seeing someone'? Not quite the reply you were hoping for, so you stammer a little, blush a little, apologise and be on your way.

So today I'm here to point out a few signs that a guy or girl might be single, help you avoid asking out people who are already in a relationship and, into the bargain, transform you into sleuths of the dating world! 

1. Look and listen
If they work with you or are part of your social group, keep your ears open during conversation. Amongst the talk of sport or technology, or of shoes and shopping, and all the other stuff of interest to the opposite sex, there may be mention of 'the wife', 'the missus', 'my lass / my lad', 'my bird' or of having to pick the kids up from school. All clear signs they're off limits - officially, at least. 

Obviously, check for rings, too.  If there's light bouncing off their ring finger into your eyes and blinding you, that's a pretty good sign, I'd say, to stay away!

2. Check their supermarket trolley
You see them ambling down the fruit and veg section with their trolley, looking good enough to eat. But how do you know if they have an other half?

Check the trolley for tell-tale signs. Are they buying nappies, baby food or anything else that suggests they're a family guy or gal? If so. On the other hand, they could be just some kind of deranged pervert who enjoys wearing nappies and dines on baby food!

Now, my trolley, for instance, tends to be stuffed with crisps, chocolate, microwave meals and frozen foods such as fish fingers, crispy pancakes, chicken burgers or good ole Bernard Matthews's turkey burgers. Fairly indicative signs that a) I'm single and b) I have a penchant for eating crap. A girlfriend would have me eating healthy, wholesome food. Right now it ain't happening, so pounce on me, ladies!

3. Observe their clothes
This one applies more to girls seeking guys. You have a feeling there's a wife or girlfriend in the picture somewhere, darnit. How can you confirm it?

Check out his clothes. Does he look like he dressed in the dark? Do his clothes date back to the 60s? If he's dressed like a deck chair or one of the Famous Five, the chances are he has no lady by his side to act as a fashion consultant. So swoop in there!

Believe it or not, there are guys out there who know how to dress themselves. A rare breed, indeed, and maybe you've stumbled on one. Are, however, his clothes all creased and crinkled? I'm pretty lousy  at ironing. In fact, not pretty lousy... just plain lousy! I do my best, but if there's a lady willing to iron a shirt for me, then I'll seize that opportunity with both hands!

So if he looks like he's ironed his clothes with a sledgehammer, either he actually has or, more probably, he's single and just doesn't know how to iron. Snap him up, ladies, and also show him to iron!

It's all good 
If you've followed this blog for a while, you'll have sensed that single life is a long-running theme in it. Yeah, there are times when I'm less okay with it than others, but for the record, I'm finding it pretty cool. It allows me to write fun articles like this one. Oh and again for the record, if you should catch me peeping at your trolley, don't assume I'm analysing your status. I have a vendetta against Hob-Nobs.  

No comments:

Post a Comment