Thursday, 6 September 2012

Take me away!

Both friends and family have told me I need to learn to cook. No girl wants a man who can't cook, some say. And now that I'm back on the singles market, I guess I should - if not for a lady then at least for myself. No good two people starving. Besides, no woman wants a guy who's malnourished.... yeah yeah, we get the picture!

One thing I don't get, however...
Is is the (cruel) nature of the human appetite. Naturally, you can't eat takeaway day in, day out. For the record, I don't, but it doesn't stop me from having spells when I eat more than I normally would. Then I feel bad for eating so much junk and decide to cut down.

So I go to the supermarket, grab a trolley and go wild in the aisles. I pay for my shopping, then clear off feeling great. Check out the willpower on me!

But then something mysterious happens. The next day, despite having a fridge full of food, I feel like takeaway! All that lovely food and now I can't be bothered to prepare it. Before I know it I'm ordering a Texas BBQ in Domino's pizza parlour! Such is life.

Now, suppose I eventually master the dark art of cookery and, in turn, cut down on takeaway. Suppose that I also meet a nice young lady. Will I cook for her? Chances are I won't. Why?

Because I'll be too busy whisking her away down to fancy restaurants! And if not fancy restaurants, in an effort to spend quality time together, we'll probably be getting some takeaway in and curl up in front of a DVD.

I think there are some valuable lessons to be learned from all this!

Lesson 1: Don't go shopping so often. The food in your fridge will only go to waste eventually! You can't fight the takeaway industry... nobody can. It's too powerful!

Lesson 2: People think you put yourself in an early grave if you eat takeaway a lot. But why waste hours in the kitchen, cooking, when you be done in 10 minutes and doing something else? Add up all those hours spent in the kitchen a year. Conclusion: you're wasting your life!

Lesson 3: Maybe you can dazzle a woman with your cookery skills, but it ain't necessarily so. I'll bet if you can recommend a good restaurant, or even a decent takeaway, you can just as easily be a culinary hero! 

And so we have it. Cooking and singles don't really go together, and takeaways weren't just for single people who can't cook! They're for couples who can't be bothered and singles who want to impress their suitors with their culinary knowledge!

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